As a kid, I had a diary. There was a lock on it and everything. I hid my innermost feelings on those pages—stories of elementary school crushes mostly probably, how I felt about my family, and how I felt about my friends. As my self-awareness grew, I’d begin to reflect onto the pages how I felt about myself.
All of my intimate thoughts were safe inside here.
It is extremely vital that we have safe spaces to share our innermost thoughts and feelings.
Not doing so is what leads to dis-ease and dis-connection—the two leading causes of disenchantment with life (aka misery, aka an early death).
A diary will do for you some things, but it cannot provide what talking to another trusted human being can for you, your health, and your vitality.
Even if you are the Serena Williams of gratitude journaling, keeping a food diary, and mapping out your workouts, you are not receiving the benefits of the coaching mirror.
YOU NEED CHECK-IN CHATS IF YOU ARE WORKING WITH THE RIGHT COACH.
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This is the mirror provides a package of transformational services for you that (as much as I adore and cherish my writing practices) writing in a diary or journal does not.
CHECK-IN CHATS GIVE YOU BACK THE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE WORK YOU DID AND DIDN’T DO.
You write down your sets, reps, and weights planned for a workout or how many miles you will swim (whatever the “workout of the day” is). You are an expert planner.
All too often, though, I’ve given clients workout plans drawn to a T and smash-packed with meticulous cues, and they come back from their vacation and say “oh yeah, I didn’t do it.”
Plans are useless, planning is indispensable.
It’s important that you know what you expect of yourself and a map to carry out that work, but if you don’t do it—what’s the point?
A trusted coach will make sure to point out when you’ve hit your targets and followed through on your agreements and when you’ve missed the mark. It’s not about shaming you. It’s about keeping you on track for your goals—the ones you voiced out loud that you wanted to reach.
It is very possible but harder work to do this alone, because of how emotionally taxing it can be. Who wants to report to a square box next to “Workout A” each night leaving it empty when they were expected to have it checked off?
2. CHECK-IN CHATS REVEAL TO YOU YOUR BLIND SPOTS.
Let’s start with the workout theme.
You can be dutiful and diligent at taking video of yourself deadlifting or running, but if you are the same set of eyes reviewing and analyzing your movements again and again, how much new perspective will you receive?
Beyond accountability, we need (healthfully-delivered) criticism and feedback to show us what—even with the most glamorous camera in the world cannot capture. Granted that your coach is an expert in the field you are taping.
Finding your blind spots goes way beyond fitness.
A great coach is a great listener who will hear you repeating the same limiting belief or black-and-white perspective or obsession with the same emotional state you’ve been in for weeks from that person who said that thing months ago (now it’s become a temperament). She will interrupt you and say: you can think better; you can talk nicer to yourself; you have the power to change here.
3. CHECK-IN CHATS ENSURE YOU ARE PLANTING THE SEEDS FOR YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC GOALS AND DESIRES (“YOUR LIFE GARDEN”).
Our minds change, our goals shift. This is being human.
Wouldn’t it be nice to talk to someone who hears you saying “I’m not too excited about this goal anymore,” or “I have a new idea,” and for them to say “great, let me hear it”?
To receive the unconditional positive regard of a great coach is a great gift that lays the land for you to really speak your soul.
Tell me your new idea of your peak physique. Tell me your new idea of the physical challenge you are most jazzed about at the moment. Tell me what friend or boss who was your BFF is now a Negative Nancy, blood-sucking leech in your life. Tell me how the additional greens I asked you to add to your daily intake aren’t jiving with your gut. Tell me how you are sick and tired of feeling so lonely.
If you were to jot these holy grails and gripes to your journal, it might take months (if ever) for you to make changes. Further, you might rationalize your way out of how you feel rather than accept and embrace it, sweep your new inspirations under the rug, and/or your might just stick to the eating plan simply because it’s the eating plan you began with.
A great coach will hear you and help you stay true to you in discerning what habits and actions are aligned with who you want to become.
It’s an ever-flowing dance, you, your health, your vitality.
Your tastes and nutrition needs may change (literally and figuratively). That is valid.
Like a fantastic dinner host, a great coach will endorse your saying ‘no’ to the spinach (i.e. the additional cardio session) and ‘yes’ to the cauliflower (i.e. the additional weight training session) when its in season for your unique goals.
4. CHECK-IN CHATS GIVE YOU A LITTLE RAIN FOR YOUR GARDEN TO GROW.
If you get off the phone with your coach, and you feel worse in any way than when you embarked on the conversation—fire her immediately and find someone new.
Yes, you want the real, raw critiques.
Yes, you want to see the areas you didn’t even know you could improve in.
Yes, you want to be lovingly accepted for your fluid mind, body, and soul.
Add to that list: yes, you want to feel inspired, empowered, and motivated (I try not to make assumptions, but assuming here that you do).
A great coach will point out where you failed, show you where you can improve, help you fine-tune your goals and concomitant actions, and give you a big fucking, jet pack of rocket fuel that will make you wanna take action right away.
Some might say it’s not the coach’s responsibility to inspire. I see it as a co-creation. If I can shower a little excitement about your progress mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally, I will.
What you gain from this—besides just like loving pat on the back, is becoming comfortable receiving others’ encouragement and belief (which can be hard for some).
5. CHECK-IN CHATS PUT YOUR GROWTH IN THE SPOTLIGHT.
Your incredible efforts and sacrifices can get lost in the sauce and you might not see how far you’ve come.
Hence, the coaching mirror.
When you look at yourself in the mirror every day—similar to reviewing your own videos of your form, you might not see the tiny (or big) changes taking place.
A sparkle in your eyes. More definition in your calves. The oomph of energy and confidence in your voice. Your own excitement for your own strides. The new connections and relationships you are fostering as your energy changes (“your vibe attracts your tribe”).
As James Clear says: "Improving by 1% isn’t particularly notable, sometimes it isn’t even noticeable, but it can be far more meaningful – especially in the long run. If you can get 1% better each day for one year, you’ll end up 37 times better by the time you’re done."
A great coach will point out those 1% gains and the glimmer you feel upon hearing it will be well worth your investment.
Over the long run—over a strand of 100 conversations let’s say (just per these examples), YOU CAN BECOME:
-more consistent in following through on your words with your actions
-a better mover, a kinder and more powerful thinker
-more adaptable with your goals and accepting of yourself
-more inspired to receive encouragement from others
-more aware of the tiny, 1% improvements you are making
I hope by now you can feel just how INSEPARABLE check-in conversations with your health coach are from your progress as a student of health.
As the African proverb goes: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
My coaching is for those who want to go to great depths in getting to know themselves and for those who want to go to great heights in experiencing the boundless beauty of their mind, body, and spirit.
If you are ready for that adventure, consider working with me, and don’t be shy about reaching out.