Do you ever take the easy way out, say ‘yes’ when your gut says ‘no,’ or give up on your biggest dreams for something more practical, socially acceptable, or “reasonable”?
If you are plagued by any of those conundrums, keep reading. I will show you: a) you are not alone, b) the wild woman in you knows better and can do better, and c) I really hope you take this away, too — you don’t deserve the shiny object, you deserve the actual gold.
Thanks for taking this reading journey with me, sister.
I’ll begin by sharing an excerpt from one of my most cherished books (one that you should buy STAT), Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D. It comes from the chapter entitled “The Traps,” section “Self-Preservation: Identifying Leg Traps”:
credit: wikipedia.com
Trap #1: The Gilded Carriage, The Devalued Life
In archetypal symbolism, the carriages is a literal image, a conveyance that carries something from one place to another. In modern dream material and contemporary folklore it has been mostly supplanted by the automobile, which as the same archetypal “feel” to it. Classically, this sort of “carrying” conveyance is understood as the central mood of the psyche that transports us from one place in the psyche to another, from one idea to another, from one thought to another, and from one endeavor to another.
Climbing into the old woman’s gilded carriage her is very similar to entering the gilded cage; it supposedly offers something more comfortable, less stressful but in effect catpures instead. It entraps in a way that is not immediately perceivable, since gilt tends to be so dazzling at first. So we imagine we are going down the road of our own lives, in our handsome shoes, and a mood comes over us, something like this: “Maybe, something else would be better; something that isn’t so difficult, something that takes less time, energy, or striving.”
It often happens in women’s lives. We are in the midst of an endeavor, and feeling anywhere from good to bad about it. We are just making up our lives as we go along and doing the best we can. But soon something washes over us, something that says, This is pretty hard. But look at that beautiful something-or-other over thre. That gussied-up thing looks easier, finer, more compelling. All of a sudden the gilded carriage rolls up, the door opens, the little stairs drop down, and we step in. We have been seduced. This temptation occurs on a regular and sometimes daily basis. Sometimes it is hard to say no.
So we marry the wrong person because it makes our economic lives easier. We give up on the new piece we’re working on and go back to the easier but old tired-out one we’ve been pushing around on the floor for the last ten years. We don’t take that good poem into the finer-than-fine range but leave it in its third draft instead of raking through it one more time.
The gilded carraige scenario overwhelms the simple joy of red shoes. While we could interpret this as a woman’s quest for material goods and comforts, more often it expresses a simple psychological desire to not have to toil so at the basic matters of a creative life. The desire to have it easier is not the trap; that is something the ego naturally desires. Ah, but the price. The price is the trap. The trap is sprung when the child goes to live with the rich old woman. There she must remain proper and silent…no overt yearning allowed, and more specifically, no fulfillment of that yearning. This is the beginning of soul famine for the creative spirit.
[…]
There are many things that try to force, sweep, seduce away those handmade shoes, seeming simple things like saying: “Later, I’ll do that dance, planting, hugging, finding, planning, learning, peace-making, cleansing…later.” Traps, all.
credit: TODAY.com
There is so much HOWL here! 🐺
What direction to go with this epic, aescerbic yet emblematic allegory? I promise this post is not some gilded carriage for you to slip away into. That’s not my coaching style. Time and place for the golden glory, but I am going to do you the good deed of revealing where you find these modern day gilded carriage-cages in your life. You’ll emerge with much more recognition of when these carriages pull up—and with that awareness, the capacity to to make more the right choices for YOU. Our ethos is to support strong women who tap into their boldness to say ‘no’ to the easy choice that ultimately leads to depletion, and tap into that same boldness to say ‘yes’ to the hard choice that ultimately leads to fulfillment.
You’ll see that monopoly companies like Uber and Amazon offer plenty and plenty of gilded carriages that find in-ways to every area of our lives below. I interpret these as the modern day gilded carriages we are seduced with.
You’ll also recognize how your every decision is in constant communication with your womanhood. You are directly, clearly, energetically conveying your self-concept of self-respect, self-trust, and self-worth to the deep psyche of your womanhood, and that psyche hears you — in whispers and in screams, say “I am worth it!” or “I am not worth it.” It never misses a message.
In each category below, I will point out where you might be missing some sneaky messages feeding — as another allegory goes “the bad wolf.”
In order to succeed in capturing the gilded carriage moments, you must become the hyper-vigilant gatekeeper of your authentic needs, noticing whenever a temptation passes by that might seem “better” but wouldn’t really fill your soul.
Your job, Sister, is to notice when you feel the seductive pull of the shiny object and to examine, somatically, wether it is in line with your soul’s nutritional profile or just junk food.
In each of the following holistic wellness fields, ask yourself:
Is this a cage that captures you or a vehicle that vivifies you?
The capturing carriage has been well-defined by Miss Estes; the vehicle that vivifies is the choice that feeds the good, growing wolf in you.
Like Miss Estes, I am here to awaken the wild and good wolf in you — the one that robustly feeds your soul, not the one who deceives you into a devolved version of yourself.
Pillar One: Gilded Carriages in the Fitness World
credit: lifehacksthatwork.com
There are Ubers. Then there are YouTube videos, an abundance of minimum effective dose (MED) advisories from a span of health organizations, really piss poor fitness trainers and coaches, and people — friends, family, and considered “comrades” who present gilded carriages on your fitness journey.
Wake up to them.
YouTube videos get you moving, they offer the convenience of that weird dopaminergic hit we get by being in control with our fingertips on the remote (much like we are so used to in typing and swiping on our phones), and they give you SO many 8, 12, 20-minute “crank it and bank it” options.
Examine whether these are the cages that captures you or the vehicles that vivifies you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?
If you hear the messages:
“I am only worth 20 minutes of my time a day.”
“I need some time in nature, but I’m too lazy to leave the house.”
“I want to go to the gym, but I won’t make a fool of myself here.”
and know you are escaping your true needs to doing the YT video—even a smidgen of distaste, you might be taking the gilded fitness carriage.
If, alternatively, you hear the messages:
“I have 20 minutes before my next meeting, and I’m gonna give myeslf a good sweat.”
“I’ll take this routine outside, give my body some sun, and get my movement in.”
“I don’t need a gym, I got all I need to maximize my fitness here and now.”
and concurrently feel an assistance into your better self by doing the YT video, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.
You are feeding the good wolf.
Pillar Two: Gilded Carriages in the Mindset World
credit: YouTube.com
There are Audiobooks and Cliffnotes. Then there are pithy motivational quotes, self-proclaimed gurus, and definitive lists of how to think and how not to think.
Wake up to them.
A punch of motivational power from The Rock will get you lacing up your kicks to go for that long-prolonged run in an instant. Believing someone else has the right way of thinking for you to osmotically adopt is comfortable. Buying a book that has 12 rules for you to live by provides guidelines.
Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?
If you hear the messages:
“That’s all I need everyday — the Rock’s voice!”
“Ah, finally, someone has summarized life and I don’t have to ask any more questions.”
“I’m tired, I’ll trade in my brain for these rules today.”
and concurrently feel a repulsion to listen or receive…you might be taking the gilded mindset carriage. Leaning on others, adopting groupthink, rather than cultivating and honoring your own way of thinking.
If, alternatively, you hear the messages:
“The Rock has a cool perspective, and I’mma try that out.”
“It’s interesting to hear what ancient philosophy has to say, and I’mma try that out.”
“Those rules are aligned with my values, and my I could use some boundaries around my habits.”
and concurrently feel an assistance into your expanding self by getting the little bits and budges you thrive on, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.
You are feeding the good wolf.
Pillar Three: Gilded Carriages in the Nutrition World
credit: fuckthatshit.com (jk: credit: eBay.com)
There are shake and soup delivery services, macro’d out meal prep subscriptions, juice cleanses, meal-replacement bars, and labels galore claiming ‘all-natural,’ ‘organic,’ ‘clean,’ and ‘highest quality ingredients.’
Wake up to them.
Having your meals portioned out for you and the macros you need to thrive is awesome. A good juice cleanse will reset your gut. Intentionally-selected ingredients are a better option than getting a pig’s diet of soy and corn. A meal-replacement bar comes in handy when you are famished and on-the-go.
Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?
If you hear the messages:
“I am only doing this because my girlfriend told me it was a good idea.”
“I have no idea what food is good for me, so it’ll be easier to have someone else decide for me.”
“I want to cook myself, but it’s too complicated.”
and concurrently feel like you are copping out of what you authentically want to learn and how you authentically want to prepare your meals…you might be taking the gilded nutrition carriage.
If, alternatively, you hear the messages:
“I genuinely know that subscribing to a meal prep service will take a burden off of my shoulders.”
“I feel good having a 3-day juice cleanse, because it feels like a healthy reset button for me.”
“I know cooking will take more time, but I deserve that time and so do my soul and taste buds.”
and concurrently feel these options are understood investments in the fabric of your life rather than trial and error clickbait material, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.
You are feeding the good wolf.
Pillar Four: Gilded Carriages in the Spirituality World
credit: yogajournal.com
I’ll prelude by saying that, to me, spirituality encompasses your connection to a higher power, having a purpose bigger than you, and your connection to your breath (the triad).
Okay, so I can pretty much summarize the Gilded Carriage of Spirituality — as a giant carriage that could carry the world’s population, as everything ‘spiritual bypassing.’
There are affirmations, prayers, blessings, malas, crystals, singing bowls, and the chosen homeless, nomadic lifestyle.
Wake up to them.
Crystals, malas, and gongs have real, energetic shifting powers. When I play my singing bowls, I feel I’m an artist going into each chakra and cleansing, swirling, and alchemizing. Living minimalist can free the brain’s resources for imagination and the wallet for priority expenses.
Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?
If you hear the messages:
“Every time an anxious thought arises, I go to my crystals.”
“The singing bowls make a great adornment for my apartment.”
“I hate making decisions about what to keep and what to give away, so I will just abandon all of my things.”
you might be leaning too heavily on quick saves and playing the damsel in distress, hopping on the gilded spiritual carriage.
Alternatively, if you hear the messages:
“I feel empowered when I play by singing bowls; they ignite a light in me.”
“I know that having fewer material things is good for me.”
“I feel more alive when I am blessing the world and people, as it ignites gratitude in me.”
and feel a forward flow of love for these habits, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.
You are feeding the good wolf.
Pillar Five: Gilded Carriages in the Relationship World
I could go to town on this one. Full disclosure, I am a single woman. There are many shiny objects out there, and I have been an addict of the shiny object syndrome chase…I was for a long time. Still recovering, you could say.
When it comes to meeting a romantic partner: there are dating apps; matchmakers; speed dating events (even online nowadays), and well…vibrators (yeah, I went there). When it comes to sustaining romantic relationships: there is Netflix + UberEats nights; missionary; and taking drugs together/getting drunk together to escape reality. When it comes to families: there are camps, sports, extra-curricular activities galore to put one’s kids in 24/7; movie nights; and frozen, microwaveable dinners.
Examine whether these are the cages that capture or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?
If you hear:
“Watching The Last of Us is the best because we never to talk to each other.”
“I’ll just enroll the kids in camps til they hit college and I’ll have more free time.”
“Swiping is fun because I can chat behind the screen then ghost ’em and never have to meet face to face.”
you might be — no, you ARE, choosing the gilded relationship carriage.
Alternatively, if you hear:
“We make time for open-hearted conversations, and watching TV is our way of cuddling and unwinding.”
“I love giving my kids the opportunities to play with other kids and learn new skills, and I love spending time with them.”
“I know that dating apps are a resource, and I am also open to meeting people when I’m just out and about.”
and feel an assistance into better connections with other human beings, you are likely choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.
You are feeding the good wolf.
Becoming aware that we live in a world of gilded carriages that Estes so vividly depicts is a major step in taking ownership of your decisions, honoring what truly serves you, and acting your authentic self out loud.
Woman, I am a champion for you on your journey of awakening to the gilded carriage-cages in your life and going the other way you sense ‘trap.’. I am here to empower you to live a more fully enjoyed and fully expressed life, mama!
Much Love,
Abby