There are 5 known stages of transformation in the world of psychology. They are as follows:
MAINTENANCE
ACTION
PREPARATION
CONTEMPLATION
PRECONTEMPLATION
To make it through these layers to the top, you need grist for the mill and you need gumption. You need “stick to it” ness. You need determination and a strong why/set of why’s.
But, if we pause for even more wisdom, you need to be super aware of the internal and external ingredients that are slowing you down.
Refresh yourself with this great quote from spiritual leader Marianne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
So, in a confusing and paradoxical way, often times we know exactly how we want to feel but we are afraid to move into that upgraded self.
In my felt experience and in witnessing my clients’ transformations, the key ingredient that we absolutely need to hold onto is permission to go.
And then there are a hoard of other ingredients that we need to take seriously the imperative to let go of. These include:
The need to know the outcome.
The need to know whether you are right.
The need to know if you are making a smart decision/step.
You’ll notice that attached to each of these needs is a fear:
The fear of failing.
The fear of being wrong.
The fear of being stupid/feeling embarrassed.
We often times do not catch ourselves living in fear, but, like hyper vigilant gatekeepers of our own souls and vitality, we must constantly check in to see if it is fear or LOVE that is guiding our next move.
These ingredients that we think—on a very subconscious, deeply engrained level, are moving us forward are (cold, hard, raw truth) actually just keeping us in place. They are keeping us in the maintenance phase of the you you are today, as if you are a fixed person and have become fully evolved.
If you are on the same wavelength as me, that ain’t okay.
We are ever-evolving beings, and one of the greatest gifts we have as a part of life and the human condition is to challenge and change ourselves—to see how awesome we can feel and become.
When we wake the f*ck up, we see with such unmistakable clarity that both these needs and fears—which comes in tandem clumps, are nothing more than illusions. Nothing more than thoughts which we can place our attention on or not place our attention on. And as we know, what we focus on grows. And these clumps, much like plaques in the bloodstream from an imbalanced diet, will progressively feed dis-ease throughout one’s lifetime if not cleansed by…love-driven choices. They bind little fear together to create big Fear.
Who are we without these illusions then? Can we even lead a life without illusory thinking to some extent?
I don’t know that I can answer that question. I can only speculate.
I think it comes down to choosing how to think (#metamoment).
My suggestion is to:
Find the green light—your permission to go, within you or outside of you!
Sometimes you can dig and scrape and claw to the bottom of your heart’s barrel for the courage to go. Sometimes you need permission from outside of you. Neither is better than the other. There is no right or wrong. This is about returning to the Truth that this change is good for you and for the world around you, so you just gotta find that green light that will cue to you: it’s okay to go! If you need outside help, be mindful not to ask for others’ opinions towards your change, rather to make it very clear that you just need them to tell you “it is okay.”
Choose to focus your attention on your next step.
What will animate and nurture your transformation is at least 85% in the fourth phase, ACTION. Remember, sans the false belief that we can 100% control/know the outcome and the need to judge our desired changes as right or wrong, smart or stupid, all that is left is the wisdom in doing the work.
When your attention wanders to the fears and old, illusory needs, return to step #2.
Naturally, some old fears will creep up. The only was to transform and transcend these fears is to keep placing your most precious energy source, your attention, on doing the work.
When repeated over and over again, no matter the behavior/persona change you are committed to, this process will guide you through personal transformation from bottom to top.
Those illusory fears and concomitant needs are like guck between the pipes of your energy flow—your Chi, Ki, Prana, upward, which is necessary to carry you from You Today to You 2.0 and beyond.
Just feel for a moment what it would be like to lift the burdens of needing to know the outcome, needing to be right (or wrong), and needing to be seen as smart.
Do you feel lighter? Freer? Is the positive energy flowing more electrically through your veins?
I personally can feel the greater sense of even flow (cue Pearl Jam) by just guiding us through this dynamic imagery.
Hear this & remember this: your transformation is for you.
If, in your heart of hearts, there is a change you want to make, you gotta trust your intuition and find the permission to go. Within you or outside of you.
Nothing else is really relevant nor helpful.
If there is a change you know you need to make, start this cyclical 3-step process now. If you need that permission to go, send me a message and let’s journey together.
I believe in You and the you’s to come.
Coach Abby