When we are stuck in fight-flight-freeze state of being, everything feels impossible. In fact, that is because we are ONLY feeling…feeling a record of threat from the past. I'll always say that conscious breathing is the #1 gateway from the past to the now, but becoming “unfrozen” doesn’t happen overnight. Healing is a process of transformation, which literally means changing (trans) shape (formation). Unlike Play-Doh, us more complex, fibrous yet flexible human beings, require a high and consistent repetition movements and inputs before we have that “breakthrough”…that, transformation.
Good news is—you are entirely capable of transforming.
Rep by rep, just like Sisyphus restarted his push of the boulder up the mountain day after day after mo-f*ckin day…until he reached the top…until his brain synched up with his body to learn “YES, I CAN…” you can, too.
Whatever trauma, Trauma, pain, perceived brokenness, weakness, distress, dysfunction, derailment, misattunement, or other ailment you are sensing right now, remember that with a Sisyphusian spirit and a remembrance of your bullish, brilliant, basic (in the sense of innate not insignificant) will to commit to consistent action to make your life the brighter reality of the future that is waiting for you, you will wake up with the following signs—maybe one by one, maybe in bundles, maybe all at once. But you will, my friend.
You are yawning more frequently. This means your nervous system is coming back on line, feeding your brain the message that you require more oxygen for your next journey, or next phase of your journey. Without thinking, you expand your jaw and pull in pure oxygen to stimulate your senses and awaken the loving, passionate energy in your cells…once and for a reason dormant, and now ready to embark on–nah, BE, the Adventure that is your Life.
Your stomach is gurgling. I just experienced a lot of this this morning whilst “performing” Joe Dispenza’s 45 min Healing Meditation, a wonderful, powerful, guided meditation for awakening the innate healing power within each and every one of your G-d gifted cells. This meditation–as a tiny precursor, is designed to really challenge you to overcome the level of blase, bullshit frequency beliefs you have been subconsciously handing your entire Self over to for years…and to re-teach/re-train your body how to overcome the old, crusty, weak, untrue programming it has been sliding by on for way too long. As you program your mind to live at the level of the supreme, unlimited healing, homeostatic intelligence of your body–to join in the flow of keeping you sweet thing whole, your Body (soma and psyche together, there is no separation),
You are giggling more spontaneously–even cackling. Ever consider the origins of the phrase “I’m cracking up.” When someone says that to me, or when I say that to someone, I really know what’s happening. Something hard, heavy, rigid, unyielding in myself and/or that person has finally dismantled. In a beautiful, life-expanding way. Completely in your favor. As the great Sufi poet Rumi once expressed: “where the wound is, is where the light enters.” Or as the great musician Leonard Cohen once imparted: “there is a crack in everything; that is how the light gets in.” [As a tongue-in-cheek side link, people are even taking this to asshole, spending time with their perineums open to the suns’ rays…maybe not such a new morning ritual]. Back to stoic writer Abby–both of these men recognized something of transcendent value–breaks, cracks, fissures, faults, holes, gaps…are not inherently negative things. That is just the value we’ve been conditioned to lay upon them. It’s purely a matter of perspective. In fact, as a total mindfuck reversal of how you may have seen/feared “breaks” in the past (be it a broken bone, a romantic breakup, a friendship break-up, a job break-up…), crack is necessary for the enlightenment. The uplifting. The elevation of your Self. Long to short winded, the feeling, the almost automatic, effortlessly cracking open of where the immense pain once inhabited, is a surefire sign of your healing. Of your return to and elevation to your Highest Self. It’s like when you’ve done enough meditation, made enough love, drank enough water…just enough to relax your muscles to “pop” out their tension, and your joints to “click” back into place. Yes, you can be your own chiropractor.
You feel a natural compulsion to move. I’ll reiterate it again and again: you are a Bodymind. There is no separation. When you are in coherence–your heart’s nonjudgmental, compassionate, creative energy linking your chaotic brain and vacillating body through one harmonious channel, your not only freedom but perceptivity to your body’s needs are far more in tune. You are not thinking about the paper you have to submit by 6am tomorrow. You are not focused on eating enough protein at your evening meal. You are here, now, as the energy, not the matter that is You. So, if you feel antsy and need to get up and walk, you just do. If you feel dull, dragging, dim, and need some sunshine, you find it (maybe on that walk). If you feel stiff and stuck–empty of inspiration, you get up a boogie your bones. The natural compulsion to move and almost immediate expression of movement–whatever the heck it may look like (WHO CARES!), is the dynamic expression of your healing. Know this. Your body does. As freely as you will cough when you have a tickle in your throat…as freely as you will burp when you have an excess of air in your belly…as freely as you will lean back and (hi sign #1) arch your upper back to open your heart and pandiculate your spine when you’ve been sitting still for a smidgen too long, is just as freely, in all of these ways and more (hint: micro-your movement practices, macro: your adventure and travel choices) you will move when you are healing.
You are fidgeting more. What is fidgeting but the nervous system’s natural way of telling you that it’s ready to do something. Ready to go! Now, if you were my beloved “Health & Fitness” professor from University of Michigan, you might more obsessively, deliberately train yourself to fidget more frequently because it burns more calories and increases your basal metabolic rate. But that flavor of fidgeting is not the healing sign type. Healing fidgeting is when one day, you recognize that you have melted out of your statue-esque, frozen state…a state molecularly built on fear, and something has “come over you.” You are sitting at a coffee shop and you start tapping your feet, dipping your ears from shoulder to shoulder, having the natural propulsion from within to leap to your feet to grab a refill of water–not to wait until you’ve finished your work to do that “heavy deed.” Other examples of fidgeting = playing the piano with your fingertips, turning your head and eyes to take in the holistic environment around you, and–when seated, changing your seated posture more frequently. In a sneaky way, your body fidgeting (a somewhat unconscious process), is your body telling you “I am safe and ready to engage with the environment around me.” Go, Fidget, Go!
Pain is an amazing and necessary teacher.
But no human is designed to or deserves to stay stuck in Pain forever…even for longer than necessary.
With the various tools of movement, mindset, nourishment, touch, and spirituality, you can and you will transcend your current perception of limitation. Your current “this is miserable.”
Remember that still small voice within that is saying in response to your misery thought “This can’t last forever,” that it in fact will not.
I am a sister for you on your path.
And if you need to chat and expand your consciousness and action toolbox around how to perpetuate, install, and become the change you want to see, please send me a message sharing your story and let’s get started empowering you to empower yourself to heal…to go beyond survival, into thrival…returning to and broadly speaking out in all your magical ways the YOU AS LARGE AS THE UNIVERSE…the infinite, glowing you!
Lastly, I leave you with: you are not alone, you are not wrong, and you are not abnormal. You are a human seeking certain nourishment your soul intelligently knows it needs to thrive.