Ever notice how a rainbow is always there, but we cannot always see it?
The magical array of colors in their perfect partnership, fantastic family, banded together…always, yet we cannot always see it?
There may be clouds covering its radiance.
There may be a sun safeguarding its power.
There may be a rainstorm, a snowstorm, a windstorm, coagulated in front of its majestic nature.
Its energy…its essence…its Truth, always strong and surprising, solid and scintillating, secure and silver-lining, but it’s sight not always in plain view.
And, when the clouds camber, when the sun sits back, when the rain relents, when the snow softens, and when the wind winds down, the colors emerge one at a time in all their grandeur.
This metaphor of the rainbow has been coursing through me a lot lately.
How the power, the gentleness, the awesomeness, the nurturing, the empathic, and all-embracing wholeness that the rainbow embodies is within each of us, regardless of whether it can be seen from the outside, and/or at all times.
As I’ve surfed and battled, climbed and sunken, surged and drowned, in this crazy mixture of pain, discomfort, injury, disease, illness, fatigue, blasphemy, and confusion, I’ve remembered at every moment that deepest in my core, in the womb that will give birth to the children of the future, the next generation, the progeny of unique, untouched Purpose, “I Am Fine.” “I Am Healthy.” “I Am Wild.” “I Am Free.”
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman with Multiple Sclerosis, hands shivering and shaking uncontrollably, fingertips fidgeting across whatever I am holding or touching.
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman with cancer, a “random” node appearing under the surface of my skin upon my thyroid gland growing a little bigger with time, yet an x-ray ruling out anything serious.
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman who has lost and continuously failed at her job, showing up to work and powering through the misery and agony and imbalance with that endlessly regenerative, bottomless source of enduring energy to “do my best no matter what.”
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman with severe neurological problems, my deranged knee defunctly guiding me through all places at paces I less than enjoy to move at…especially the one where my legs are kicked up on a table and I’m not walking at all.
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman with a severe mental issue, unable to “get it together” quite enough to focus on any ONE thing long enough to give it the love and attention it needs to develop, grow, evolve.
Yes, I’ve felt like a woman who was so weak and frail that even the simplest of human movements, the gait cycle, right foot in front of the other — walking…the simplest of healthy exercise options…just moving forward…the simplest and most elemental of all human survival needs, could become my enemy.
When you are trapped like this…or so it seems, do you still have the rainbow within?
FUCK YES, YOU DO.
When you feel fucking downright fucking afraid of getting out of bed, because then you will remember your limitations, do you still have the rainbow within?
FUCK YES, YOU DO.
When you feel incredibly withdrawn from society, because you are embarrassed about who you have become, who you have shrunken into, who you have hidden for your own judgment of unworthiness, do you still have the rainbow within?
FUCK FUCKING YES, YOU DO.
When you cannot even bear to open your eyes, because the Sun will reflect back to you that you are alive and you must accept who you are in that very, exact, moment in Life, and you would rather not be that version of you in that very, exact moment in Life — would rather just not be in Life, With Life, do you still have the rainbow within?
FUCKING FUCK FUCKING YES, YOU DO.
When you feel someone else, something else, other forces, have strangled your soul, told you what is and what is not possible for your expansively bright future, and spread through you like a vicious virus you don’t have the power or right to stand up to, do you…like, actually, do you still have the rainbow within?
YOU DO. YES, YOU DEFINITELY DO.
This is one thing I know for certain.
You may say there are no certainties in life.
I disagree.
The power inside of you, the rainbow inside of you, which holds every color, every energy, every frequency, every vibration, every ounce of fortitude and magic you need to manifest your best, is always inside of you, never dim, always staying lit.
The rainbow inside of you is one certainty you cannot get rid of. It is one source of infinite power that you will never drain. That you don’t have to worry about recharging. It’s just fucking there for you, in your best interest, at all times, no matter what. And it will help you overcome whatever challenge you face at any time, with a 100% success rate. It is the most reliable source of energy you will ever find, and you must never forget.
It is one antidote to suffering, or at least a pathway within that you can take at any millisecond to help you surely titrate away from the dark and into the light. To feel a little brighter, a little better, a little more Alive.
It is YOUR superhuman, super-spiritual, unbound yet enclosed, intangible yet hyper-real, non-scientific but proven, badass and hardcore and kind and generous, like the very best fucking friend you’ve ever had and will ever have, POWER.
It is a channel you can tune into at any time. Just take a deep breath and cut out the noise. The distractions. The un-truths.
And you will return to that fucking rainbow within, and you will thrive. You fucking winner, you.