`This Is YOUR Life: How Do You Want To Live It?

Advertisements galore.

That’s the world we live in.

Subliminal messages of “do this, do that.”

The human psyche was already exposed to this pre-media days—cuz of emotions. We would get jealous of the woman who could run for miles without pain. We would get jealous of the man who could walk around shirtless because he had an eight-pack.

When media hit, things went haywire.

There is no “right” way anymore; but, truth be told, there never was.

My job as a Life Coach is to steer you in the direction of your wildest, freest, strongest, most miraculous life.

Wild hearted. Free minded. Strong willed. and Miracle aligned.

Many of us have caged our hearts off to expansive, explosive, body-shaking love.

Many of us have closed our minds to ideas that excite our neurons and get us moving (heavily-burdened by the air of Judgment).

Many of us have given up our innate worth and right to choose our way forward.

Many of us have chosen to live in the ordinary, body-bound, ego-bound world, missing out completely on the miracles that are happening all the time.

I vehemently disagree when people say Life Coaching is not for everyone.

This is synonymous with saying that Living Your Best Life is not for everyone.

Only a hater, of others or themself, would say that.

If you think that—there is some deep shadow work for you to do.

Consider:

-why won’t you let your heart open?

-why won’t you give up some of your stubborn ideas of what is right?

-why won’t you let yourself choose to express yourself the way you feel inspired to?

-why won’t you allow yourself to experience the miracles of every day?

I believe it was Carl Jung who said that the root of successful psychological work is to point to the thing you are avoiding. That’s it. Clear cut. Where is the arrow of your avoidance pointing to?

Think about it in terms of your body.

Is it in your heart?
Is it in your head?
Is it in your genital area?
Is it in your hands and/or feet?

What’s cool is that…in the way I approach Life Coaching, your body has ALL of the answers—you simply have to be brave enough to listen, tend to, and heal up.

There is an entire field of psychology called somatic awareness that utilizes this genius.

By spending time noticing where you host energy in your body, the color of that energy, the temperature of that energy, and inquiring if that energy has a message to speak, you can learn a f*ckton about yourself.

But I get it.

In our ordinary world, we are not familiarized with these bountiful body-intelligence excavating practices.
In our ordinary world, we are not encouraged to go beyond the ego and into the darkness.
In our ordinary world, we are not shown very often what it looks like to let your body lead the way.

In my coaching practice, that’s exactly what I do.

THE POWER IS YOU, SIS.

Nutrition: When it comes to nutrition, you do know exactly which foods make you thrive.
Mindset: When it comes to mindset, you do know exactly where your mental blocks are.
Meditation: When it comes to noticing who you are, you do know exactly how your personality has shaped up over your lifetime.
Movement: When it comes to movement, you do know exactly which movements make you feel great, and that lack of movement makes you feel crusty, old, and decrepit.
Tribe: When it comes to tribe, you do know exactly which vibe you vibe with and the people who make you feel safe, supported, and inspired.
Breathwork: When it comes to breathing, you do know exactly how much you are not breathing and how much more you could be breathing.

Altogether, you do know the nutrients you are missing and the nutrients that make you thrive.

The process is simple but HARD FUCKING WORK.

I help you return to the truest version of you, without the mental blocks, shitty foods, poor beliefs, stagnancy, loneliness, and fear.

I help you rise above the addictions of your emotions, free your mind from your body, and become exactly who you want to be.

I help you help yourself develop the generosity of spirit that your spirit naturally gravitates towards in its homeostasis—wanting to see you succeed and smile with flying colors.

If you are ready for this journey, I’d love to chat with you.
If you are feeling a knot somewhere in your body, I’d love to chat with you.

In the Precision Nutrition curriculum, students are taught to ask clients to rank their level of the following (0 being the least, 10 being the most):

• willingness

• readiness

• ability

In my humble and intuitive opinion, this is just an exercise. You gotta sink into what you know to be true in the depths of your soul, honey.

You could mark down a 3 for all of these, out of feeling fear and rushed, afraid of the unknown. Classic self-sabotage move, eh?

You could mark down a 10 for all of those, out of wanting to impress the coach, not tuning into how you actually feel. Another form of self-sabotage, tbr.

Anyhow, back to the main point.

This is YOUR Life, and YOU ARE YOUR OWN HERO.

We all need guides and coaches—whatever title you want to use…people, with the knowledge, expertise, and a talent to take us from our places of heaviness and limitation to wholeness and levity. From the hidden version of ourselves to the vulnerable, naked, raw, and free version of ourselves.

But YOU have to be the one to choose to journey inward and pull yourself out.

I love the Russian doll analogy, except take it to exponential lengths. There is an authentic version of you sitting in your core—informed by your soul, that is dying to climb out of all of the shells you’ve built around it.

If you are ready to come undone, and take that brave step, click here and hire me.

You're Worth It: ⑦ Strategies To Soothe Your Frazzled Nervous System

I’m doing a new thing. It comes naturally. I begin each blog title with an affirmation I believe in. One that I think you’ll want to hear.

Then, I dive into writing about what is top of heart for me, in connection to you, the client.

Today, that is nervous system regulation.

It is amazing how we run around like chickens with our heads cut off all day, swimming in a stream of cortisol, and feeling like we don’t have a grip on life…when, we have inner software to drive ourselves into a much calmer, cooler, peaceful, and focused place. Today, you’ll learn seven ways you can soothe a frazzled nervous system.

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Before I dive in, I’ll define and describe what a frazzled nervous system sounds and feels like. If you are like 90% of the human population, these are things you say without consciously noticing and things you feel crankily because you think you can’t do anything about it but pop a pill.

A frazzled nervous system sounds like:

• “I feel out of control.”

• “So and so is driving me nuts!”

• “I am never going to get all of this work done.”

• “I can’t stand this!”

• “I’m outta my mind!"
  

A frazzled nervous system feels like:

• Nausea (headache, twisted stomach, acid reflux)

• Fever and/or Chills

• Feeling overly awake mentally but exhausted physically, or vice-versa

• Hunger and fullness cues being off (eating just because/”nervously”; overeating; under-eating)

• Panic attacks or the beginnings of one (feeling shaky, dizzy, dissociated, ungrounded)

Now that you know what a frazzled nervous system sounds and feels like, we can go over how to tame it. In the morning meditations I do, Dr. Joe Dispenza describes the uncomfortable but necessary process of soothing your nervous system (via whatever method you choose) as ‘taming the stallion.’ Any unprocessed, repressed, deeply held trauma, disappointment, rage, etc. is clinging to your fascia and immune system and will take some bravery and patience to release and get reprieve. It is a process of undoing all humans must undertake if they want emotional freedom in their bodies.

Perform these exercises (as always, just start with one, whenever you notice yourself saying or feeling the things outlined above.

7 STRATEGIES TO SOOTHE YOUR FRAZZLED NERVOUS SYSTEM

① HORSE LIPS

Like a horse, bring your lips together and breathe out, making them flutter and vibrate as they let out as “brrrrrrr” sound.

② 4-7-8 Breathing

Made famous by Dr. Andrew Weil—though derived from the moment humans with nostrils were born and the yogic mind began to develop, it’s what it appears to be. You’ll breathe in for 4 seconds through your nose, hold the inhale for 7 seconds, and exhale out of your mouth for 8 seconds. It’s key to make a “whoosh” sound as you exhale, a sound akin to hushing a baby to sleep.

③ Cold Body Shock

There’s a spectrum here. You don’t have to do a full-body immersion in an ice bath (although I do want you to do that one day if you haven’t). Start with just splashing these two key areas: 1) your face 2) the back of your neck. This thermogenic wake-up will tell your Vagus Nerve—the master nerve for your nervous system, to “reset,” restoring your capacity to stay balanced, resilient, and focused.

④ Cold Mouth Shock

Chew on ice. It’s the combination of the crunch and the cold that does the trick. Just like the cold water on your body will shock you into the present moment, the cold temperature in your mouth will draw you into the. now. The internal crunching sound you generate will capture your focus, too. The temperature and texture anchors, working in tandem, will untether your stress and tame your stallion.

⑤ A Warm Embrace

If you have a friend or lover around, all the better. But if it is just the middle of the day and you are flying solo, wrap those loving arms around yourself and give yourself a warm hug. Studies show that a 1-min hug specifically reduces stress hormones, so hold on tight and don’t let go until 1 min is up.

⑥ Shake Out The Shit

Don’t hover over a toilet and give birth to a bowel movement.

This one is about dancing freely, letting your muscles hang and dangle from your bones, letting the blood flow freely through your veins, allowing whatever movement impulses come up to be expressed with full-throttle permission, no resistance. An easy way to start is just standing still and bounding into your knees and feet, letting your arms and head dangle. Notice where you are gripping (holding on to tension) and let go. Then let go again. And again. And again (am I starting to sound like Coach Herb Brooks?). Start slow, go faster, and faster and faster then finish with complete stillness.

⑦ PLAY. [even better if with others]

Do something fun and active that is not goal or destination-oriented.

Go to a playground and swing on a swing for heck’s sake.
Play with a bouncy ball.
Play hide-and-seek with your kids or cousins.
Jump on a trampoline.

A good compass for what will feel like play is the thing you, in your mind, have said is “too adult” to do right now.

Bottom line, you are a badass and you deserve to feel like one.

Let me know how these strategies do for you, and don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions!

In Sweetness,

Coach A

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

The Louise + Louie Within You: Sacred Marriage of Your Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine

Today, for the sake of play, I am marrying Louie Simmons—father of Westside Barbell and one of the greatest weightlifters and weightlifting coaches of our time, and Louise Hay—mother of the healing your body with your mind movement and Hay House Productions, which rips out book after book chockfull of body-mind wisdom.

It’s a love affair between yang and yin, masculine and feminine, grit and grace.

We have all of these qualities within each one of ourselves.

It’s an illusion that you need a Louie in your life to be Louise, and that you need a Louise in your life to be a Louie.

What I want you to see is that you have both of these symbolic characters in you.

When in their full power—just like when you are in your full power, you are neither Louise nor Louie, you are Whole.

Let’s start with Louie, which most would say embodies primarily the masculine.

Louie Simmons

• He appears large and in charge, giving off an aura of dominance and authority.

• He talks with a deep voice and directness, communicating a no-bullshit attitude.

• He performs heavy-ass lifts (yes, many literally by way of his ass muscles) and chases feats of exponential strength, showing that his energy is funneled towards OVERCOMING discomfort and pain, ACHIEVING new personal records, AND GROWING in size and confidence.

Now Louise, which most would say embodies primarily the feminine.

Louise Hay

• She appears dainty and adorned with make-up, giving off an aura of submissiveness and self-awareness.

• She talks with a full, sweet voice and intention, communicating that there is power in language, best delivered when sent calmly.

• She moves by the motto of “do anything that makes you feel good,” whether it is bicycling, tennis, jogging, volleyball, swimming, golf, brisk walking, trampolining, jumping rope, playing with the dog, or whatever, showing that her energy is funneled towards PLAYING with pleasure, RECEIVING joy, and BEING who she is.

Now that I’ve created a clear, stark contrast between what these two symbolic characters represent, I want you to reflect for a minute.

Do you have a Louie and a Louise within you?

There really is only one true answer here: it’s YES.

As you become familiar with shadow work, parts work, and other models of psychology and spirituality which recognize the human as an amalgram of personalities and drives rather than fitting into one category or another, you will see this more and more.

As you reflect within yourself—your thoughts, beliefs, actions, feelings, drives, you will notice some Louie stuff and some Louise stuff.

If you grew up in a culture where you had to be a “man” and had to be a “woman,” you will have more resistance to this truth.

If you grew up in a granola culture where you never had to decide to be a “man” or a “woman,” this truth may already make sense to you.

Wherever you are in your human journey as you read these words, I want to proffer this perspective—from my very own emotional alchemical experience. The moment I began looking at (really seeing, not just seeing and snarking), honoring, and getting to know both the masculine and feminine qualities within myself, I began to feel more and more whole. The less fearful I became. The fewer insecurities I had. The more confident I became in my own skin, wherever I go.

Embracing Wholeness is a part of your human journey and your fitness journey. It is a part of your wellness journey, too.

I obviously highlighted the heavily masculine qualities in Louie an the deeply feminine qualities in Louise to highlight the polarities. Now, I want to show you how Louie is in Louise and vice-versa.

The Louise (the feminine) is in Louie:

• Louie’s heart and soul are in weightlifting, and his devotion to the sport shows through his sheer time spent with it and imparting wisdom from it.

• Louie practiced humility in his training, believing that the ego must be controlled for optimal performance in the short and long run.

• Louie believes in and practices hard core, rigid programming, but also practices intuition within that framework—letting his clients know that you must be intuitive about where your weak points are in selecting exercises to prioritize for total strength and resiliency.

The Louie (masculine) in Louise:

• Louise is solution-focused, leaning and sharing from a place of wanting to help people heal themselves.

• Louise is an outspoken leader, from her many speeches to her many books, guiding people into a realm of thinking and action that ignites restoration within.

• Louise is assertive—that is, uncompromising in conviction about how the power of the mind to heal the body is fail-proof.

So you can see, like the Yin-Yang symbol, Louie and Louise are one.

And you, my friend, are one.

One full of strength, vigor, ritual, discipline, assertiveness, leadership, willpower, and logic AND full of acceptance, gentleness, tenderness, flow, nurturing, creativity, kindness, and surrender.

Recognizing this blend of masculine and feminine within each one of us is the first step towards embodying what is called the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine—which can only exist in union…in Sacred Marriage.

That’s the marriage of both the Louie in you and the Louise in you, the masculine in you accepting and honoring its own lights and shadows and supporting the feminine, and the feminine in you accepting and honoring its own lights and shadows and supporting the masculine.

What results is flow. Life.

When you reject light or shadows of your masculinity, you keep the wound of your masculinity open.
When you reject light or shadows of your femininity, you keep the wound of your feminine open.

This might look like—for masculinity: being overly competitive, controlling, abusive, manipulative, closed off, and/or shutting down.

This might look like—for femininity: being people pleasing and acting with boundaries as dashed lines instead of firm “no’s,” feeling unworthy, afraid to speak up, not good enough, and choosing to stay in victimhood.

Some call these manifestations of skewed masculine and feminine energy within a person the Wounded, Toxic, or Immature, whereas the balanced marriage is called the Awakened, Divine, and Evolved.

Lots to think about here, eh?

I recommend you just start with noticing and honoring (that is, giving a hug to) each part of yourself, letting them work with one another instead of against each other, and believing that Sacred Marriage within yourself is possible; in fact, it may already be there.

In Wholeness,

Coach Abbz

8 Books That Have Broadened and Wisened My Life

I was inspired by a conversation with a brand new friend and soul brother to write this post. To him, thank you.

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When I traveled to and through Southeast Asia six years ago, I brought four books with me. I left book #5 at Laguardia before jetting from New York to the first stop of the journey, which was Israel. While I was in Thailand, I accumulated two or three more books. Soon, my backpack became quite heavy. Actually, my one backpack turned into two.

It was a hot and sunny morning (typical for Phuket) when I was talking to at-the-time a new friend, bunkmate, and soul sister, Astiana, that I realized I had to let go of some shit. Not just the excess clothing in my backpacks, but…the books, too 😢

I was way quicker to let go of the leggings and yoga tops than the novels.

There was a kindred attachment to the stories, morals, and inspiration in those books. So I thought.

But, I recognized I would have to let go of some of the weight if I wanted to save my spine and myself from the immense stress of lugging around two backpacks (one on my back, one front-side) during my travels.

I had an idea.

Why not ask Astiana to record a video of me sharing the key lessons I learned from each book and how each book transformed me? So we went to filming.

I did a short segment on each book, almost an homage meets eulogy, and then I set the book aside—one by one.

I would donate the books to the hostel I was staying in for future passers-through to read.

When I find the video of the recording I will add it here.

Of course, as I continued my journey, my curious brain and sometimes sticky fingers hooked to more books. But I’d keep them then let them go.

The main lesson learned in this key epoch of my life was that—when you are inspired and when you deliberately consume content with an open heart and open mind, the lesson stays in you. The inspiration becomes one with the stream of your blood. The moral of the story gets woven into the fabric of your DNA. The images and illustrations and metaphors become flashes in your mind that remind you of how to show up moment to moment.

In short, the reading is never lost.

Just like the body keeps the score of trauma, it also keeps score of inspiration and evolution. You won’t forget the feeling of ecstasy you felt when the protagonist did the heroic thing. You won’t forget the feeling of vigor you felt when the underdog faced and blazed through his fear. You won’t forget the feeling of regeneration you felt when a character forgave herself and you, too, gave yourself permission to forgive yourself.

You simply won’t.

Your body remembers the books you read.

You can give up things and be changed by them forever. I’m not saying I’m perfect; heck, I even started this post with 5 books but had to include 6.

Here are 5 books (some from that trip to and through Southeast Asia) that have broadened and wisened my life, that I unconsciously carry embody every damn day:

1. The Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

2. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

3. Women Who Run With The Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

4. A Life Without Limits: A World Champion’s Journey by Chrissie Wellington

5. Iron War: Dave Scott, Mark Allen, and The Greatest Race Ever Run by Matt Fitzgerald

6. The Wedge by Scott Carney

7. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

8. The Choice: Embrace The Impossible by Dr. Edith Eva Eger

Actually, years ago, I shared a whole list of books that “got me AMPT”—when my business was called Abby Maroko Person Training (AMPT) that you can view here on my old Wordpress site.

You have no idea how hard it is to not just sit here all day and write a love letter list of all of the books that have positively changed me.

But, I wanted to share the essence of this message: what you read will be with you forever, as well as offer some really amazing, mind-opening, hero-inspiring, life-giving, empowering books with me that might just empower you, too.

In Embodiment,

Coach Abby

𝟓 MUST-HAVES FOR AN OPTIMAL MORNING MOBILITY ROUTINE FOR UNDER $50

① COUCH WITH AN ARM: $fr€€

Use the arm, not the cushions.

credit: Dreamstime.com

WHY

THIS ONE IS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR C-SPINE (CERVICAL SPINE). YOU KNOW, THE CHANNEL THAT HOSTS THE NERVE SIGNALS FROM YOUR BRAIN TO YOUR BODY AND BACK. IT’S PRETTY IMPORTANT. AND YOU ONLY HAVE ONE.

THROUGH MY EXPERIENCES IN CHIROPRACTIC AND BODY-REALIGNMENT, I’VE DISCOVERED THAT MANY OF THE ISSUES YOU THINK ARE IN THE LOWER DIMENSIONS OF YOUR BODY ARE REALLY ROOTED IN YOUR NECK.

WHAT

• Restore “natural” curvature of your cervical (and entire) spine.

• Ignite more openness and confidence for the day.

• Release “heady shit” you subconsciously hoard in your head and neck.

HOW

Just like a weight training program, you’ll progress your time spent with the base of your head resting on the arm of the couch with your head hanging off, opening your throat and very much resting in a tilted back position. Begin with 1 min/day, increasing by 1 min a day each day until you reach 10 minutes a day. At this point, you are pretty well adjusted to the input. Feel free to move your arms, legs, eyes, jaw, hips, toes, etc. as you rest, and bonus points if you diaphragmatically breathe while in this position.

② RAD Round/RAD Roller ($5 off your first order with the above link):
ROUNDS $16, ROLLER $24.99

WHY

NEWS ALERT: A LOT OF THE DISCOMFORT THAT YOU FEEL UP THE KINETIC CHAIN CAN STEM FROM THE VERY BOTTOM, YOUR FEET. YOU MIGHT NOTICE A THEME BY NOW.

WHAT

• Untie the knots in your arches, inner and outer edges, heels, and toes.

• Get yourself to moving more throughout the day. Rolling out your feet first thing in the morning is the cue that triggers your brain to crave ambulation and beyond.

• Uplift your mood.

HOW

Start with one minute on each foot, rolling out the arches, inner edges, heels, and toes. If you are using the Roller, you’ll start with what I call a “Search and Scan,” where you cover a broader surface area as you hunt for golden nuggets of tension to release. Then you’ll hone in on the treasure troves. If you are using the Round, pick a spot and give it some TLC. Be sure to explore all of your foot (each one)—no fascia left behind!

③ Acupoint Foot Board: $15.99

why

did you know that each of your precious feet contains over 7,000 nerve endings?! wow! stimulating this plethora of nerve endings does a magic trick: it opens up the pathways that singal between your roots (your feet) and your brain. this leads to better awareness of yourself in space (proprioception) and better awareness of the internal state of processes in your body (interoception).

in my experience stepping on this prickly board each morning, i come more alive, more alert, and more open to the world around me.

WHAT

• “To stimulate and activate the left then right brain.”-Outkast
  Full brain awake-ness!

• Toughen up your feet. Ordinarily, you when you unexpectedly step on something sharp, round, hard, or prickly, it causes a shock incommensurate with your nervous system’s capacity. Condition yourself to make different surfaces feel good for your feet.

• Spark your creativity.

HOW

Just like the above two exercise habits, build your tolerance and grow your capacity by doing a little more each day. Start with 30 seconds to a minute, adding 30 seconds to a minute each day. Once you’ve worked up to 10 minutes, your body is super accustomed to the surface. At first, you’ll probably want to stand still because it is so shocking. Try to break through that unconscious freeze response by walking in place. Heck, even dance!

④ Coconut Oil (extra virgin, unrefined, organic = best): $6.39

why

AS THEY SAY, A CLEAN MOUTH means a clean house. well, mabye they will catch on to that 🏃🏻‍♀️. if we don’t “spring clean” the over 700 species of bacteria that live in our mouths on a daily basis, it can lead to dis-eased gums and teeth, which causes problems in the heart, brain, and all other organs and systems. again, it. is. all. connnected.

in my experience swashing coconut oil in the mornings, i get excited to pull all the crap out of the crevices of my gums and teeth, spit it out, and feel incredibly refreshed once I do. it feels like a spa day for your mouth.

WHAT (just a few of the tons)

• Kill bad breath.

• Boost your immune system.

• Relieve headaches.

HOW

• Scoop one tbsp of coconut oil and place it in your mouth. It will begin to melt quickly.

• Swish and swash (just don’t splash) for anywhere from 5-10 minutes. Change the patterns of your jaw movement and angles of attack. Get the upper and lower corners of your mouth and spaces between your teeth.

• For extra points and extra efficiency, do some neck mobility while you oil pull. Visit my “Nine Minute Neck Niceties” Flow to follow along while you gurgle.

⑤ A Hard Floor: $FR€€ again

why

the floor is your friend. and if it ain’t yet, become acquainted. a hard surface can do wonders for aches, pains, and ailments.

yoga story: one of my yoga teachers once told me that a student of his had terrible menstrual cramps and associated symptoms for months on end. it was near incapacitating. she decided to come to yoga class, but all she could do was lay on the floor. so for the whole class, she just laid on her belly. class by class, her pain and ailing went away.

in my experience, laying on the floor in the morning and after a hard day of work feels amazing. you may experience some natural adjustments of your bones, tension-release of your muscles, and just the right stimulation your gut needs to rest-and-digest when you lay on your tummy.

WHAT

• Get a totally $FR€€ Full-Body Massage.

• Get a totally $FR€€ skeletal adjustment.

• Restore your playfulness. We began moving on the floor as babies, when we first learned to take in our environment, crawl, roll, walk, and so on.

HOW

Infinite options here. Gonna give ya three.

• Lay on your belly and diaphragmatically breathe. That is, breathe into the front, sides, and back of your belly all the way up through your rib cage.

• Lay on your back and diaphragmatically breathe.

• Roll around like a baby. See my post on restoring natural movement after trauma here. Just rolling on the floor—your soon-to-be best friend, can unwind trauma trapped in the tissues of your body and invite you back into a space where it is safe to move freely and playfully.

The Perfect Workout Template For Any Session Length (30, 60, 90 Min Formats Inside)

There are 3 most common obstacles people have when it comes to committing to a fitness program:

• Money

• Energy

• Time

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say: “I really want to work out but I don’t have the time.”

To be real and raw, there may be a mixed message there. They may really be saying: “I don't have the energy to devote the time to working out.”

Whatever your obligations, work schedule, family commitments, etc, it is true—we all have the same 24 hours a day and the same magical homo sapien technology (a body).

I will hear the other side plentifully, too. “60 minutes is too long to work out, I only need 30.” For those with particular goals—especially bodies that have molded to the environments of the modern day that wreck havoc on your bodies, you do need 60 minutes, at least.

You may feel burnt out, which is a bigger issue.

Once you can recognize that you don’t find time to work out, you choose time to work out, you are in the opening and this article will apply to you.

I felt inspired to dish out the perfect format I’ve formulated based on the amount of time you are dedicating to your fitness. Read on and get your sweat on, efficiently, wholesomely, and wisely. Note that these are based on the person who is devoted to holistic fitness—not training for one particular sport or event. For more guidance on where to start, what exercises and loads to choose, etc., schedule a consult with me here.

THE PERFECT 30-MINUTE WORKOUT FORMAT

the excuse:

Don’t let “I only have 30 minutes, what’s the point?” seem like a logical reason to not move.

the opportunity:

We’ve been programmed to believe that more is more, but sometimes less is more. Especially if your stress levels have been through the roof, maybe a 30 minute session is the exact effective dose you need.

THE FORMAT:

Minutes 0-5: Central Nervous System (CNS) Check, Breathwork, Myofascial Release

Minutes 5-10: Activations

Minutes 10-27: Main Strength Sets emphasizing slow strength and time-under-tension most of the time; mixing in 2-3 minutes of power priming sets then slow strength and TUT for the remainder

Minutes 27-30: Nervous System Homeostasis (diaphragmatic breathing is a great go to) and 1 key stretch

gotta recognize:

You can’t create more time than 30 minutes if you are choosing 30 minutes, so you must prioritize. My recommendation is to prioritize dense strength and mobility. These will feed your long-term fitness.

THE PERFECT 60 MINUTE WORKOUT FORMAT

THE EXCUSE:

“I can’t devote 60 minutes to working out. That’s too long, and I have other things to do.”

THE OPPORTUNITY:

Devoting a full hour to your workout session is a welcome challenge to extend your fitness focus to longer than you are accustomed to. It is also a welcome invitation to focus more deeply on what’s going on within and how you can build yourself up. Plus, it takes some time to settle into any new environment; 60 rather than 30 gives you more time to really feel at home within and without—the perfect space where you can squeeze out your very best performance.

THE FORMAT:

Minutes 0-10: CNS Check, Breathwork, Myofascial Release

Minutes 10-18: Mobility

Minutes 18-24: Activations

Minutes 24-44: Main Strength Sets including burnout partial sets for metabolic spark and greater muscle pump

Minutes 44-52: Conditioning Finisher

Minutes 52-60: Nervous System Homeostasis (d-breath of course), 2-3 Key Stretches

GOTTA RECOGNIZE:

60 minutes might be longer than you are used to, but it isn’t too much. Remember, you have one body and one life, and one hour of your day devoted to serving it is a very small and vital investment in your long-term fitness and wellness.

THE PERFECT 90 MINUTE WORKOUT FORMAT

the excuse:

As an extension of the 60-min haters: “Are you crazy?! 90 minutes is over the top! I will get burnt out.”

the opportunity:

A 1.5 hour workout grants you the space to work on the gummed up nooks and crannies of your mind and your joints, get more volume (reps) for muscle and conditioning building, and to let your nervous system settle into your environment so you can really squeeze out your very best performance.

the perfect format:

Minutes 0-5: CNS Check, Breathwork

Minutes 5-10: Visualization Mediation (sit still and envision how you want to feel and move during the session)

Minutes 10-20: Journaling The Vision and Plan, Breathwork, Dynamic Warm-Up

Minutes 20-28: Activations

Minutes 28-68: Main Strength Sets

Minutes 68-80: Accessory Work and/or Conditioning Finisher

Minutes 80-90: Nervous System Homeostasis (d-breath is still d best breath 🤣…for real), 3-5 Key Stretches, Report Back To Journal

gotta recognize:

1. Every once in a while, a longer session is a good, gritty thing to do.

2. You don’t need to and shouldn’t always spend every minute of the 90-minute block in an all-out fight for better fitness. That is a recipe for burnout. Conversely, a 90-minute stretch beautifully buffers the more intense, yang work and creates pockets for rest, reflection, and deeper examination of your form and function.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” -J.R.R. Tolken

In Time,

Coach Abby

Why You Need To Breathe Well Before, During, and After Your Training Sessions

We take our breathing for granted.

It’s the one thing we can do both consciously and subconsciously, but we definitely do not take enough advantage of the conscious toggles of it.

To get a better workout, session after session after session, you’ll need to learn how to breathe better and well.

I am hosting a “Breakthrough With Breath” Workshop on April 30, 2023 from 8-10 am at Summit Strong in Denver, CO for those who would like to get a nitty-gritty breakdown of how to breathe during every.single.phase. of you workout for optimal enjoyment and performance!

In this primer, I’m sharing the why. You will get to experience and absorb the how during the workshop! I made this awesome infographic to describe 8 stellar reasons to breath better throughout your workouts.

Enjoy!

I GET THE MESSAGE, BREATHE BETTER: NOW WHAT?

Well, don’t hold your breath.

Sign up for this workshop or schedule a 1:1 call with me so we can figure out where you are starting and how to get you to that peaceful, successful, powerful place you want to be in.

Adios til next post.

In Flow,

Coach Abby

Why You Feel Drained (And 5 Things Can Do To Come Alive Today)

I've seen many people go through the same trials and tribulations with their bodies, and, fortunately, the same core solutions cover most of the bases.

If you feel any of the following:

• sluggish when waking up

• crashing in the middle of the day

• amotivated to work out

• in a generally lousy mood

• overstimulated mentally, overexhausted physically

then you can name it: you are drained.

Step #1 is to recognize the guileful hungry ghosts that are gnawing at your ATP.
Step #2 is to recognize where you are saying "yes" to these mean caspers.
Step #3 is to--nope, not fight back, ignore them and crowd out the negative energy you've let into your lifestyle with positive energy habits.

Just like I shared in yesterday's article --a 3 step formula for overcoming the top five fitness phobias I see running women's lives (and hey, men it might apply to you too ;)), solutions can be simple and practical without overwhelming you. In fact, a really great formula for habit change is just that...it has a few steps that you repeat again and again, with advancement as you go, and before you know it, you have transformed greatly.

So back to that drain...YUCK!

I want you to start feeling better today. So I'm giving away my top five observations of what helps women turn the dial from in the dumps to in the heights, from the inside-out. If you are already both feet in to a full mind, body, spirit transformation but just need the right guidance, accountability, and knowledge, just click below and we'll chat.

5 Ways To Come Alive Today (And Beat The Funk out of an energy slump)

Truth be told, this list will be your back-pocket guide to any valley of energy you find yourself slipping into. Especially if you are an active person, you have to be a vigilant watcher and player in this self-care game. Keep reading and gobble up (partially literally).

Note: These are general recommendations, not doctor's recommendations. I am not a doctor. If you have questions about the applicability or usefulness of these strategies for you, please consult a doctor.

1. Hydrate properly.

Easy check. What color is your pee? If it is in the range from the light beer to burnt orange on the left side, it's a surefire sign that you are not well hydrated.

Hydration is easier to get ahead of than to fix, and the way to do that is to take in water and minerals throughout the day that match your unique hydration needs.

Divide your bodyweight by 2 and that is your baseline level of water intake per day. Add in how much weight you lose in water during your workouts/living in a hotter climate (16-24 oz per pound lost) and you've got your water intake for the day.

However, water alone is not enough.

When you sweat, you lose high concentrations of sodium and chloride (a.k.a SALT). Conjunct with the many processes your body goes through in a single day (pooping, peeing, burping, farting, NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis like walking around the house or commuting to and from work), and you are also losing chlorine, potassium, magnesium, and phosphorous.

You need all six of these essentail minerals to:

• balance blood pH levels

• facilitate waste excretion from cells

• maintain fluid balance

• maintain proper functioning of nerve, muscle, brain, and heart cells

• transport nutrients into cells

Do you see the high cost of being dehydrated?

Of course you'd feel like shit if you aren't replenishing both your water and mineral stores.

My solution for you is to begin each day with a packet of  LMNT  IN 24 oz of water.

There is a ton of magic habit work packed into this one exercise; from gaining momentum in the habit of drinking water to kicking off the day with a message to your body-mind that you honor your life force to physiologically balancing yourself for optimal presence and performance...

JUST DO IT: DRINK ELECTROLYTES AND WATER UPON WAKING.

2. Eat more.

Listen to this grandma.

What? Did I just tell you to eat more?

Am I nuts?

No.

I'm honest.

When I give my clients the task of tracking what they eat for 3-7 days, they show themselves that they have been grossly overestimating how much they eat and grossly underestimating how much they need to eat to thrive.

If you are undernourished in any macronutrient (carb, fat, protein), you are gonna feel it in the way of depletion somehow.

Every one of those macros has a purpose:

• Carbs fuel your body with immediate energy.

• Protein provides amino acids, which are essential for building muscle, skin, blood, and important structures of the brain and nervous system.

• Fat is vital for brain development, insulation, energy reserves, cell function, and protection of your organs.

Keep in mind that this suggestion is for those who are feeling drained, and who are pretty darn active.

Rather than just haphazardly tell you to eat more, I'd suggest you:

• Honestly evaluate whether you are meeting your caloric needs for the day. The only way to really do this is to track so you have an objective measure of what is going in.

• Honestly evaluate how many calories you need to be healthy and vital--to add life to your years and years to your life, day by day.  Try this free macro/calorie intake calculator from Precision Nutrition to get a rough sketch of how much and how much of waht you need to eat each day. 

Additional commentary on food psychology: Gardening a mindset that is constantly critiquing your physique trains your brain to look at every calorie, every meal in as more than you should be ingesting. That's a dangerous rabbit hole. Unforutnately, media and society has created the soil for that type of thinking--and you gotta listen to people like me who will set you free from it.

JUST DO IT: FIGURE OUT YOUR CALORIC NEEDS AND MEET THEM.

3. Think positively.

I mean, 🎤 drop.

Your mind is way more powerful than you give it credit for.

Of the 70,000-100,000 thoughts you have each day, 90% (63,000-90,000) of those thoughts are a record of the past, on repeat, UNLESS you bring conscious awareness and intention to change your emotional state to the present moment. In other words, committing to raising your emotional state will give birth to more positive thoughts.

Affirmations alone are okay, but if only 10% of your subconscious is on board with the energy the words carry, it's a bit of a dull method.

For this setp,  I recommend you dedicate one hour, one day this week to doing this meditation guided by Dr. Joe Dispenza , where he will teach you how to use your internal technology to think positively and become more vibrant. If you devote yourself entirely to it, you will become somebody, biologically, who is full of vibrant energy!

JUST DO IT: COMMIT TO AN ENERGY YOU LOVE.

4. Do Less.

Haha! I hate it when people tell me this.

From the bottom of my heart, what I mean is: “stop overcommitting yourself.”

Saying “yes” and saying “no” is one of the most viable superpowers at your lips tips to come alive again.

It’s like hitting the gas or hitting the brakes.

I hear and see people become so insanely more positively energized by cutting out the commitments that drain them of their vital qi—more than adding any nutrient into their diet, drinking more water, or exercising more.

If your social and career lives are stressing you out and your are committing to things that drain you, cut them out. You are too important for that shit.

Check in with yourself—even give yourself what might feel like ‘extra time’ to feel your gut sense about whether an invitation is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to you, and go with your gut.

I’ll admire you for saying “no” when you mean “no”, and for saying “yes” when you mean “yes.”

5. do boundaries.

Dang, one of the hardest of them all. Boundary setting.

If you are a free-spirit, big-lover like myself, it will take a lot of practice to do this one. But you absolutely will get stronger with it over time.

Just like saying “no” when you authentically feel a “no,” so you aren’t sabotaging your own happiness, setting boundaries and keeping to them is about reframing the way you see yourself in the world.

If you see yourself as someone who is constantly giving, you end up with an empty cup with nothing to pour over into others. This is why it is necessary to draw lines in different areas of your life.

For example:

• Setting specific work hours (including the time frame during which you will email and text clients).

• Drawing social media time boxes (i.e. check once at night and answer messages during that one time).

• Limiting your workouts to an amount of time that is repeatable, aligned with your goals, and won't drive you into the ground (at least not too often).

• Discerning who you feel safe and comfortable sharing your emotional experiences with.

• Speaking up if someone is talking to you or crowding your space in a way that makes you feel unsafe.

All of these examples of “doing boundaries” are so important, because—within each one, when your true boundary is crossed, you feed that guileful hungry ghost.

JUST DO IT: HONOR YOUR BOUNDARIES.

---

These five things are built on the intention of vitalizing the garden that is your body-mind, giving rise to bright energy and vibrant presence. May you dare to give more life to your life!

In Radiance,

Coach Abby

A 3-Step Formula To Breakthrough These 5 Fitness Phobias Today (The 3 E's of Overcoming Fears)

I’ve done a lot of reflecting this morning on the various phobias that once ran my fitness life, and how far I’ve come. Not to pat myself on the back and grace my mind with a bouquet of flowers (I did that already), but to pull together the content for this awesome piece I am SO excited to share with you.

I know that many women struggle with fears in the food and fitness industry.

The amount of time, energy, and body-brain space it takes up is absurd (sorry not sorry posing my opinion here). I can speak to this because it reflects the intimate conversations I’ve had with hundreds of women.

I liken the way that phobias take up your precious energy in such hungry ghost-like fashion to having dozens of apps open on your phone all day, every day. Bit by bit, milliwatt by milliwatt, the potential energy of that piece of technology is drained.

Similarly, when you have a phobia — in this context a fitness phobia, but really any phobia…bit by bit, calorie by calorie, hz by hz, your potential energy is drained. Your magic sucked out of the present moment and into a tube of withering wisdom you can never get back.

THIS…THIS, is why I am so passionate and intent on helping you lead a freer, more expressed, more enjoyed life, my friends. To not let the little hungry fear spongers interrupt your magnificent life, moment to moment to moment!

Before I dive in to the specific fitness phobias I am going to help you demolish, I want to give a little background lesson on Fear itself.

What is Fear?

Fear is one of the primary human emotions (some say there are 5, others say there are 8). It entails anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, dread, fright, and panic. As I’ve taught in pervious posts, emotions that stick around for more than a few days become a mood; if that moods sticks around for weeks, it becomes a temperament; and if that temperament sticks around for months, it becomes a personality (your personal reality).

Fear that is acute — a momentary flinch, heart palpitation, nauseousness, etc. (any duration less than a day) has a much different texture and impact than fear that is chronic. When it last days, weeks, months, even years, that’s when you hear people saying “I have a fear of (fill in the blank).” That is when you’ve identified and blended with the fear, considering youself someone who is “just afraid of (fill in the blank) and that’s that.” That is when the fear has begun running the show of your life instead of vice-versa. That is also when, it is time to break through it.

The moment you notice you identify with a fear — that it’s been living in you for so long you forgot about it, that is the moment that you break through it.

Perfect timing.

In today’s article, I will be highlighting five of the most common fitness phobias I’ve observed, experienced, or seen my clients experience and overcome. Most of the phobias I’ll cover fit into ‘chronic fears’…they’ve become part of your personal reality and your subconscious behaviors of thinking, feeling, and acting (all under the radar of your awareness). My hope is that you will recognize that at least one of these phobias is running your life so that you can take your power back!

Once I’ve laid ’em out, I will dish out the magic formula. Be patient and read up. Let’s dive in!

According to Verywellmind.com, the top 10 most common phobias in general are:

• Spiders

• Snakes

• Heights

• Flying

• Dogs

• Thunder and Lightning

• Injections

• Social Interactions

• Places that are Hard to Escape/Crowded Spaces

• Germs, Dirt, and Other Contaminants

None of these are directly in The Most Common Fitness Phobias, but some (especially 8 and 9) are thematically related.

MOST COMMON FITNESS PHOBIAS I SEE IN WOMEN

Just like we have attachment styles in relationships with other human beings, we have attachment styles in relationships with foods. When the phobia takes over, it leads to chronic bracing (fear in its somatic form), which leads to avoidant, ambivalent, fearful and insecure relationships to essential nutrients in your life. My goal is to get you to feeling like you have a secure relationship with each of the things on this list!

Fear #1: Fear of Carbohydrates.

Damn, even as I typed the word out I felt a little tingle in my fingertips.
It’s insane how manipulative associations from long ago can run rampant in your nervous system. They can take a while to shake all the way out.

What The Fear Contains:
The common anticipatory shock women brace for when it comes to ingesting carbohydrates include:

• getting bloated

• gaining weight, specifically fat in undesired areas

• becoming high-glycemic/diabetic

• feeling brain fog

• uncontrollably eating (knocking over a domino for binge eating)

How You Act Out The Fear:
This insecurity can show up as:

• sometimes eating oatmeal (toast, cereal, fill in the blank), sometimes not, but not sure if it’s right for you

• completely cutting out carbs because they are the demon

• after completely cutting out carbs because they are the demon, binge eating carbs

The yo-yo’ing and confused foundation is a problem.

Fear #2: Fear of Getting Bulky and/or Hypermasculine From Resistance Training.

Oh boy! I could throw a tantrum over this one, but I won’t. I will cooly deliver the truth about how resistance training works in the female body!

When I was a young basketball player (ages 8–15ish), I had a lot of insecurity about “getting too bulky” from lifting weights, not matching the criteria of sexy or appealing to the opposite sex, or not looking like my friends.

That shit is long gone.

What The Fear Contains:
Most women fear that lifting weights, heavy bands, and just moving heavy shit in various ways will ultimately make them:

• look “manly”

• not fit into their clothes the way they like to

• feel too big for their partner, friend group, tribes, society

• strong but not sexy

• testosterone-driven/agro

How You Act Out The Fear:
This leads aversion of resistance training (essentially, doing cardio — especially types that don’t involve a strength pump…i.e. no arms on the elliptical) and the malnutrition of the body in these ways:

• never learning and practicing the very vital seven basic human movement patterns

• diminished bone density and higher risk for injury

• a weakened immune system

• sluggish metabolism

• faster aging

The avoidance of resistance training is a problem.

Fear #3: Fear Of It Not Working.

This fear is one of those that falls into the Chinese Finger Trap of letting fallacies and myths run your life. Like eating carbohydrates and lifting weights. If you intractably decide that these things will not work for you or even worse will make your life worse before trying, nothing will change.

Fear of “it not working” is really a masked way of saying “I am afraid of change, but I want change.” This fear keeps you paralyzed when you desrve to move forward. Listen, you have to try something new if you want something new. Otherwise, you are acting out the old Einstein quote: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Whether the goal is to change your body composition, become stronger, have a higher VO2max, or just be a consistent exerciser, and you aren’t willing to try any of the actions that could lead to these, YOU are in the way of YOU.

What The Fear Contains:
This is a human thing, not just a woman thing. And its HUGE. Fear of Change. When it comes time to really enact change, Fear will say things like:

• “But I don’t know what I’m going to feel like.”

• “But I don’t know what I’m going to look like.”

• “But I don’t know if I will be good at it.”

• “But this might be uncomfortable.”

and the classic…

• “But I’m scared!”

Yo, it is brave to admit all of these things and it is comforting to recognize that we all experience them, no matter the changes we seek to make. But when they run your life, you become paralyzed in the routine of…

How You Act Out The Fear:

• You do nothing different

• You become more fearful

This is a vicious feedback loop that is a problem.

Fear #4: Fear of Injury and/or Re-injury.

Like any fucking fear — as described in #3, you can sit on the sidelines and think that keeps you safe or you can get in the game and reap the rewards of the experience. Once I dive into my formula, you’ll feel much better — but for now, let’s look at…

What The Fear Contains:

• Breaking a bone

• Tearing a muscle

• Hearing weird sounds in your joints

• Being criticized on your form (emotional injury for the highly sensitive)

• Being wrongfully judged for something you are insecure about (i.e. not hinging as deeply as cued, because you have a fear of bending over long-stored from some incident that happened years and years ago but the trainer isn’t aware of that part of your body’s score)

How You Act Out The Fear:

• Avoid the movements that seem higher-injury risk

• Stop performing a movement at the first tittle of a sound in any joint

• Stop exercising altogether

• Do the movements you fear hurt you with an overprotective body and brain

• Stay in PT forever

Fear #5: Fear of It Working.

Yeah, I know…what?!

It’s a fear. It’s been called achievemephobia.

It’s one of the stranger aspects of being human…being afraid of actually succeeding, growing, expanding, overcoming.

But, it’s not so different than fear of it not working.

What you are preemptively, and not necessarily, bracing for is the Unknown.

Only in this case, you probably have a sense of what it will look, feel, and taste like.

It’s important to remain completely open to the Unknown (blackness) during transformation, because you can unintentionally limit the robustness of your success. Just be present and let the greatest outcome unfold.

Now, back to…

What The Fear Contains:

• “But my friends might be jealous of me.”

• “But my family might criticize me for how much time I’m spending working out.”

• “But my friends might make fun of how healthy I am eating.”

• “But I don’t know if I will be able to sustain it.”

• “But I won’t feel like myself anymore!”

These are all real possibilities. I’d say that those are not the friends and family you need to be spending time with if they don’t support your healthy changes. And, you won’t feel like yourself anymore, because you are becoming somebody new.

How You Act Out The Fear:

• Decide it’s more comfortable to stay the same than to try succeeding

• Become more and more fearful of changing

Alright, thank you for patiently reading.

Now we are on to the formula.

Notice that all of these phobias are either based on past experiences or hearsay. Not the present moment.

So the formula is to bring you into the present moment based on real information that pertains to your body specifically. That means you are acting on bio-individual knowledge and with a brain ready for change. Period.

The 3-Step Formula To Break Thru These 5 Fitness Phobias

Step 1: Educate.
In this initial step, your job is to look the phobia dead in the eyes and see it for what it really amounts to. Does it have the power to harm you or haunt you in the way you’ve been thinking it does? For example, do you know for certain that carbohydrates will make you bloated, gain weight, and have brain fog? Do you know for certain that you will hurt yourself if you return to the activities you love doing after healing from an injury? Do you know for certain that your friends will be or express jealousy towards you for being in awesome shape?

I’ll bet your answer across the question board is a big-ass NO.

This puts into perspective how much we can let Fear run our lives.

The objective of step #1 is to learn the way these things actually work.
It will require a combo of debunking myths with your own research/the education of a coach/expert, and diving into #2 to collect some objective n of 1 data.

In the case of fearing the ingestion of carbohydrates, you may want to learn their purpose and necessity in your diet. Especially if you are a high-intensity training athlete, you will need carbs to go full-tilt. And a reduced amount of carbs over a prolonged period of time in women specifically, can really contribute to hormonal, nervous system, and mood dysfunction — everyday ways of being that far surpass your training performance.

Step 2: Expose.
In this secondary step, your job is to begin to add in or cut out the thing that you were afraid of.

In the carb example, you’d add carbs in small chunks at a time to show yourself: a) you ain’t gonna die, b) you’ll probably feel and think and move better, c) you trust your body’s innate intelligence.

The bit by bit approach is called graded exposure. Herein, you don’t jump to an all-carb diet — rather add 10g, 20g, 30g (totally just an example to illustrate the gradual increase). Its opposite, flooding, is probably not a good idea if you have a deeply ingrained fear you are working with.

In the Fear of It Working example, you show yourself what you are capable of and what — for instance, a lifting program is capable of doing for you, and note/absorb the small victories along the way. This graded exposure is a dynamic flow of you succeeding and you being comfortable with succeeding.

Step 3: Engrain.
In this final step, your job is to formulate a habit of doing the thing you used to be scared of. Yes, you will go from being afraid of it/being identified with the fear to being detached from it, observing it, and forgetting about it because you’ve replaced old, nonsense-based fears with new actions based on true science and how things truly impact your individual body.

In the example of the Fear of Getting Bulky, you form a habit of following the strength training program over 12-weeks for example.

In the example of the Fear of It Not Working, you do the one action or set of actions (i.e. daily or bi-daily runs to increase your cardiovascular efficiency) you have stubbornly decided will make no difference, ahead of ever trying. You bust through your know-it-all-ness — really a clever disguise for Fear, and do the program day after day after day.

When it comes to step #3, I feel it takes 3 months at minimum to really earn your stars from me and create a conscious effort to a subconscious habit in all the realms of your fitness and health lifestyle.

That’s why I opt clients in for a minimum of 3 months of work with me.

If you are interested in coaching with me for 3 months or longer, view my packages here or better yet just email me at abbymarokotraining@gmail.com to get started today.

You are bigger than your Fears!

In Blessings,

Coach Abby

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

5 Cognitive Biases Getting In The Way of Your Ultimate Fitness + How To Bust Through Them

Are you an overthinker? A thinker?

I’ll bet you are at least one of those.

And if you are human, you’ve probably fallen into one of these cognitive traps at least once in your workout life.

We all do!

Unfortunately, if you continue acting in the zone of these traps, you’ll get all crotchety and displeased with what you are doing for a workout, the results for your body-mind, and might just be acting out of what seems best for you rather than what is best for you.

Read on to discover these surreptitious tendencies of the subconscious and how to take your power back when it comes to reaching your ultimate fitness. I’ve put little check boxes next to them so you can check off which types of thoughts have been gripping the steering wheel of your training life.

1. Hot-Cold Empathy Gap = the tendency to underestimate the influence of visceral drives on one’s attitudes, preferences, and behaviors.

   ❏ “I don’t feel like working out.”

   ❏ “I feel like a coward if I don’t go to CrossFit.”

   ❏ “I feel nauseous just thinking about trying to run a mile.”

2. Projection Bias = The tendency to overestimate how much our future selves share one’s current preferences, thoughts and values, thus leading to sub-optimal choices.

❏ “I am too chubby to ever do burpees.”

❏ “I will never look or feel fluid while doing back squats.”

❏ “I am too much of a tech-freak to ever just sit and meditate.”

3. Courtesy Bias = the tendency to give an opinion that is more socially correct than one’s true opinion, so as to avoid offending anyone.

❏ “I know I am healing my low back, but the coach said GHD sit-ups are good for me so I’ll do them.”

❏ “I am in my third trimester and need to do feet-supported pull-ups, but I’ve seen women do kipping pull-ups when they are about to pop–so, so can I.”

❏ “The rest of the group is doing pushups during all of their Vinyasas, and I know today is my ‘upper body rest day’ but I have to keep up.”

4. Availability Cascade = a self-reinforcing process in which a collective belief gains more and more plausibility through its increasing repetition in public discourse (or “repeat something long enough and it will become true”).

❏ “Low carb diets are the only way (and the superior way) to become lean and fit.”

❏ “Lifting weights makes women bulky.”

❏ “No pain, no gain.”

5. Information Bias = The tendency to seek information even when it cannot affect action.

This one is often seen as constant scrolling on IG, Pinterest, Tik-Tok for “the best (fill in the blank) workout, diet plan, meditation”; finding more and/or new information might make you feel like you’ve found the “golden ticket” training plan; but the truth is, there is no one-size-fits all or cookie-cutter wellness plan that suprasses the rest.

❏ “I have a core training plan but I am looking up articles for “best core exercises” on womenshealth.com.”

❏ “Five days into a diet–deciding ‘This plan isn’t right for me because I’m not losing the weight as fast as I’d like to, I’m switching diets.’”

❏ “I strength train 5 days a week because most research says that is the magic number, but I get better results when I stick to 3.”

Now that you are aware of what’s controlling your thinking, what do you do?

Honestly, busting through them was probably the wrong phrasing…it’s more like back away from them.

To cultivate your ultimate fitness, you’ll need to draw back from them and double down on the fundamental principles that actually work for you when it comes to your fitness. This includes your aesthetic, physiological, psychological, emotional, and overall lifestyle goals.

What actually works comes back to the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Silly.

This means (bias by bias):

• Rather than letting how you feel in any given moment dictate what you will do, see the bigger picture and make a decision on what will benefit your future self.

• Rather than treating yourself like a stagnant, unchanging robotic or stone-like being, remember that you are a fucking dynamic, evolving, ever-changing being who gets to choose my own attitudes, opinions, and approach moment to moment.

• Rather than abandoning what you know about yourself and your own intuitive direction, listen and heed your knowledge. (I know, I know…this one is tricky, especially if fitness is not your area of expertise and you’ve hired an expert to guide you; but it is primo that you speak up and act up if you feel something is not the right fit for you!).

• Rather than collapse into what the media portrays as true, experiment for yourself and use your own results as evidence for your methods!

• Rather than be on a constant search for a better, faster, cheaper plan, stop adding in noise that is just distracting from you doing the work.

Once you’ve drawn back from the biases and evened yourself out, just stick to these real results principles:

• Be Consistent: Consistency. Stay the course of the plan that you’ve chosen as long as it is indeed working for you. There is an element of “proving yourself” here, but it is only to yourself.

• Keep It Simple: Simplicity. Slash the Information Bias that is always luring you into a more complicated, always-changing plan, telling you that “yours is not good enough.” Do the bundle of exercises that work for you and your intended results. You’ll experience this in the “Foods That Make You Thrive” exercise I take all of my clients through to simplify their food lives!

• Keep It Practical: Practicality. Not in the ordinary sense of the word. The literal sense. Can you practice again and again and again? Do you have the equipment, space, and knowledge to do so? Don’t make it harder on yourself than it needs to be.

• Progress It. It goes back to the story of Milo of Croton, a Greek athlete who–as a young boy, carried a newborn calf on his shoulders every day for four years. Obviously, the calf got heavier as it grew, and at four years it reached its peak weight. Naturally, Milo became stronger and he built muscle by lifting a heavier object week by week, month by month.

• Make It Attuned To You. Sometimes fitness is about doing the things you don’t want to do; but if it doesn’t even light you up a lumen, why do it? You will fall off the consistency, simplicity, practicality, and progression train and lose all your results.

If you can get your cognitive biases out of your body, and bring your body up to meet a new mind (a.k.a. follow the real results principles, you will be on the path of ultimate fitness, sister.

In Simplicity,
Coach Abby

How To Spring Clean Your Mind Of Hard Emotions and Invite In Fresh Experiences

Hard emotions come up now and then, just like the shiny ones.

What do you do when they arise?

Do you hide and run?
Do you shove them down?
Do you pretend they don’t exist?

If you are doing any of the above, I guarantee it is not going to work out for you in the long term.

The exact opposite approaches—no matter how hard, will work for you in the long run.

Instead of hiding and running, show your full naked self and run to them. Greet them. Date them until you can dump them.

Instead of shoving them down, coax them up through your intestines and use the matter as alchemical material for a better life.

Instead of pretending they don’t exist, give them full attention and recognition.

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Hard emotions come up when past experiences arise that have not been processed. As Joe Dispenza says”, a memory without an emotional charge is called ‘wisdom.’”

A memory without an emotional charge is called ‘wisdom.’

-Dr. Joe Dispenza

Just like we must know how to incorporate the masculine elements of structure, intensity, grit, determination, and order as well as the feminine elements of flow, rest, surrender, curiosity, and allowing in our training lives, we must know how to incorporate all emotions.

This primer might be helpful for you:

According to Dispenza, when an emotion lasts more than a few hours, it becomes a mood. When it lasts more than a few days, it becomes a temperament. When it lasts years, it becomes a personality trait. Replacing a negative personality trait with a positive one, then, requires changing the emotions that eventually build to that trait. 

I’m reminded of the great precursor to never beginning a workout program: excuse #1 in the Book of Transformation: “I don’t feel like it.”

“I don’t feel like it” expresses a mood, which is essentially an emotion (a mental reaction) that has stewed for more than a few hours. It’s the degree to which you feel inclined to engage in your life, essentially. Maybe the trigger emotion was Fear. Maybe the trigger emotion was Sadness. Maybe the trigger emotion was Disgust. Only you know.

When the mood curdles in you for more than a few days—it becomes part of your cellular matrix, a temperament.

And when the temperament sticks around for years (gasp!), it becomes a personality trait. Essentially, it becomes the unconscious way you think, feel, and act.

Mr. Dos Equis is a great archetype of the unconscious personality festering to the point of unawareness.

Without getting too off track, I hope you are picking up what I am pointing down to by now.

If we do not address the root of WHY we are how we are and who we are, we cannot possibly transform into who we want to become.

It really is that simple. Not easy, but simple.

To be the hero of your own journey, you must exercise the bravery to excavate your own reality with these questions:

• Who am I today?

• How do I tend to behave?

• Why do I feel this way most of the time?

• What feeling did this start with?

Following this deep dig sequence, you will get to the root, which is most likely some memory that you never fully processed.

That memory still has an emotional charge, and you can’t possibly incorporate it into your life today as wisdom until you “get good” with it first.

You’ve probably seen this pic in former blog posts of mine. It’s from a practice called “Feeding Your Demons.”

Like most shit, the anticipation of facing it is much worse than actually moving through it.

Which you will.

More than anything, this post is a call to action to explore what’s weighing you down, why you can’t seem to shake the habit of being yourself, and remind you that there is a path to enlightenment through “hard” emotions.

Let Frankie (best show ever) from Grace and Frankie be a model of the sequence you can take: a VERY human sequence I must say.

Some emotions are so hard we first reflexively push them down.
The secret is to maintain compassion for yourself to entertain them for tea and nonjudgmental listening—on your own nervous system timeline’s of readiness, of course.
And then, without letting them overpower you and your personal boundaries, forgive them.

Like the cliché “if you love something, let it go,” even though we may hate the emotional state we have been befriending for years and years, taking care of, enabling…we have to let it go to step into the future awaiting us.

The transformation of your emotions (emotion = the desire to do something, motion = doing something), therefore, is not just a rip and toss like getting your upper lip waxed; it’s more of a investigate, accept, then transmute into something much better.

You can go from Fear to Love.
You can go from Sad to Happy.
You can go from Angry to Grateful.

In Love,

Coach Abby

How Is Your Shadow Showing Up In Your Workouts?

This is an invitation to explore the exercises you most avoid—perhaps unconsciously, and an invocation to your very own body to attack those shadows so you can find the strength hidden in them.

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For those unfamiliar, Shadow Work comes from Carl Jung psychology. It’s aim is to assimilate the parts of the self one considers undesirable into the rest of the personality.

Real life example: the shadow can manifest interpersonally when, at a party, you avoid the one person who has the extremely annoying personality. Anytime that you “spot it”, you “got it.” Something in that other human being is triggering you because it is a part of yourself you have not yet come to terms with or have not spoken to in years, if ever. So it surreptitiously threatens you.

Another real life example: the shadow can manifest intrapersonally when, a thought or emotion pops up that you really don’t like. So you go to your toolbox of coping mechanisms and avoidant behaviors to focus on everything but it. To some extent this is necessary and productive, but over the course of a lifetime, it can become toxic.

You may not have thought about how your shadow can show up in your workouts, but that’s exactly what I’m exploring with you today.

credit: everythingsoulful.com

THE SHADOW SIDE OF YOUR WORKOUTS

Truthfully, you just have to ask yourself “what am I avoiding?”

The problem is, most of us are so far up our own Ego’s that we couldn’t answer that question if posed to us on the spot right now.

Maybe in your life you know, with the snap of your fingers, what you are avoiding. Who you are avoiding. Where you are avoiding going to.

Most of us haven't thought this deeply about our workouts, which makes no sense to me.
Your workout—that dedicated, uninterrupted meeting with your intimate self on a daily basis, is the time you are transforming yourself. Hence, if you are not aware of what you are doing/not doing in your workouts, who is doing the choosing? 🤔

…

Most of us will default to our strengths—and, while I am a fan and a coaching proponent of leaning into what lights you up (i.e. if you feel called to walk, walk; if you feel called to swim, swim; if you feel called to lift heavy sh*t, lift heavy sh*t), there is a possibility of deluding yourself into believing you are getting better, advancing, progressing by feeling like a winner every day, every workout and a danger of falling into the comfort zone “realm” as you age.

HOW YOUR WORKOUT SHADOW SHOWS UP

Generally speaking, this is how I see and experience it:

• Doing the class you feel most comfortable in

• Doing the exercises you feel most proficient and stellar in

• Doing the intensity that you feel most comfortable in

• Having to do all of your workouts alone or all of your workouts in a group

• Doing only the exercises you currently do not have any fear or curiosity towards exploring

I’m gonna be the interruptor here, and challenge you to replay the movie of your workout life and ask yourself what the heck you’ve been doing.

If it is showing up as the same cycle of movements, reps, sets, weights in the lifting arena, the same pace and lengths in the pool, the same steps in Zumba class, the same dynamic warm-up or the same no warm-up at all, you, my friend, are being called to look at the Shadow in your workouts.

THE HIDDEN PROBLEMs in your workout shadow

There are a few problems with letting the Shadow run the show in your workouts, and they revolve around those shadow truths we fail to flow with:

1. We are aging, physically, physiologically changing human body-minds. If you do not adapt your workouts to meet yourself where you are in your life, you do not feed the systems of your body-mind (whole organism) that need the most attention for you to be the best athlete of your life.

2. We are creatures of habit, sometimes to our own detriment. Routines are good. They tame neuroses and open up more brain resources for thinking about other things/priorities. However, when we stick with one routine for too long, we are like an avocado whose beautiful, grass green color and smooth texture turns brown, crinkled, moldy, and smelly. Translation: your 12-week strength training program gets you in tip-top shape, but you hit a plateau and the same program starts delivering unwanted results.

3. We tend to focus on what makes us feel good. I don’t have a problem with this. But in order to progress, you need to look at what also may make you feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, and less than. From that awareness, you can decide if the workout element that triggers you is something you authentically need to incorporate or not.

4. And here is the root problem:
   
   We are unaware of what we are unaware of. Carl Jung said: “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” When we solidify a routine on a foundation of unawareness—a.k.a. just accepting your trainer’s workout plan without understanding the intention and purpose behind what is being served to you, those collective habits could: a) lead you to unwanted results, b) lead you to unappreciated results, c) lead to to a totally different result than you wanted. You gotta wake up to the why behind your workout choices. Then you can stay disciplined to a plan that helps you evolve instead of complaining about not getting the results you so desire.

credit: positivewriter.com

THE HIDDEN OPPORTUNITies in integrating your workout shadow

Above, this is Bruce Lee meticulously, thoughtfully, and scrupulously journaling his training. He carried out the duty of reviewing his training inputs (plans) and outputs (results) and broke down his experience into everything below:

credit: journalinghabit.com

Notice the categories: willpower, emotion, imagination, memory, subconscious mind, and conscience.

His intention was to let nothing go unnoticed so nothing could go unimproved.

No matter your level of intensity and dedication to your workouts, you are responsible for your body’s state of health.

And so, the opportunity in visiting and shining light on your workout shadow is—much like shadow work works for the personality, becoming the fullest expression of yourself.

It’s a complex thing to breakdown, but I’ll do my best to simplify how those dark, unvisited intensities, skillsets, environments, equipment, and movement styles hold the alchemical material for unleveling yourself as an athlete and human being.

When you expose yourself to those parts of yourself that you feared most, judged most, hid most…you become quite powerful. You realize that there wasn’t much to be afraid of, deny, or cover up ever. It was just conditioning.

And, as I teach, we must be unconditionally fit.

This means, asking yourself: “how do I want to show up regardless of my fears, judgments, and insecurities?”

Damn, it’s freeing!

So, the opportunities—the rewards, of integrating your workout shadow include:

• Greater Creativity: you’ll enter the workout domain ready and excited to try new things

• A Greater Sense of Wholeness: you’ll feel more comfortable in your skin

• Greater Resilience: when you face what you once thought would crush you, succeed, survive, even thrive, you walk away knowing the expansiveness of your capability

• Greater Clarity: seeing it all…is powerful; go out and explore the whole amusement park of workouts and you’ll have way more clarity on what you need and don’t need/want and don’t want in your workout life

• Better Relationships—With Yourself And With Others: giving love to your triggers in any sphere of your life will make you that more whole, resilient, clear, and creative self who is open to engaging in a more authentic way; as you become more of you, you connect with more of you

how to begin integrating your workout shadow today

These are what I notice most people avoiding in their workouts, and I suggest you begin to integrate ASAP. I’ve split the workout shadow into three phases of the workout.

how to embrace your warm-up shadows

In a single phrase: Notice What Is Going On Inside Of You.

I see most people not checking in with the state of—and attending to the snapshot conditions of, their nervous systems before diving in to their workouts. This neglects to address Problem #1: we are changing body-minds. On a day where you are more stressed and less slept, you might tone down the intensity or add in longer rest intervals. It’s important that you notice what is—how your body feels, what your energy level is like, and the state of your mind, before you hit the gas pedal.

One practical method for this is to shorthand journal in this sequence (I go WAY MORE INTO DEPTH into this in my journaling coaching):

1. Ask what’s tight/what’s loose, your energy level (in numbers or words), and what’s distracting you/stealing your attention.

2. Accordingly, with openness, self-love, self-compassion, and a long-run view, think about/write down what you want to feel, how you want to change your energy, and where you need to place your focus now.

A very simple format I have been using lately looks like this:

It takes literally 5 minutes tops and gets me into a consciously embodied state where I am primed to workout both intelligently and intuitively. I use my warm-in phase to do an extended intimate check-in with my body. This way, the sharp intent I’ve written down for the session can be softened for the most optimal workout for that time and day.

how to embrace your main-set shadows

In a single phrase: Mix It Up.

In the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) model of programming, there is an acronym called FITTVP. It stands for: frequency, intensity, time, type, volume, and progression.

In the Crossfit Universe, there is a motto: “constantly varied functional movements performed at a high intensity.”

One practical method is to change at least one variable in your programming every once in a while. I’d define ‘every once in a while’ as once you’ve become proficient at the movement/s and you’ve seen over 50% progress with it. For example, if your goal was to increase strength in your legs via squats, change one of the F, I, T, T, V, P components once your squat is looking and feeling strong (you might need a coach to help you determine that) and you’ve improved your performance (in this case, you’ve increased your 1RM by 1.5%). I’m not the biggest fan of testing 1RM with general population, but you can easily scale to different rep tests. This will ensure you don’t become a brown, crinkled, moldy, smelly avocado.

how to embrace your warm-down shadows

In a single phrase: Your Workout Isn’t Over When You Finish Your Last Rep.

Most of us hard charge to the final rep (“continua!”), grab our gear, and hit the road.

This creates a frenetic and confusing state for your nervous system. Yuck!

You leave the gym or whatever your training environment may be in a fight-flight autonomic nervous system state, meaning: your body is rigid and bracing; your heart rate is elevated; most likely you are mouth breathing; you have tunnel vision focus/hypervigilance; and you gotta pee.

If you think about this, you’d probably want to leave the gym in a different state.

Perhaps relaxed, breathing easy and fully via your diaphragm, with open-awareness, and not having to pee.

One practical method for this is to engage some form of controlled breathing (pranayama) that slows down your heart rate and cultivates serenity in your mind. Two easy ones to start with are:

-Box Breathing (follow the red ball along the outlines of the square)

-4-7-8 Breathing, inhaling through your nose then exhaling out of your mouth with a “whoosh” sound

credit: bookriot.com

Alright, that was a deep dive into the shadow…of your workouts, and like all shadow work, it’s exhausting.

I hope you’ve been enlightened in some capacity and feel the urge to become a more wholesome mover, worker outer, human being, my friends.

In Wholeness,
Coach Abby

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Why I Am Becoming A Birthfit Coach [Surprise, Surprise]

Hey Everyone!

Thought I’d write from a more personable point of view today.

I want to share my excitement—nah, ENTHRALLMENT, with the Journey I am on.

I invested three weeks ago in a Birthfit coaching course, to equip me with the knowledge and expertise to guide prenatal and postnatal women through and into their healthiest, most radiant, vibrant, happy, gracious, and fit pre- and post-pregnancy experience possible.

One of the first things I learned is that—like all great, big “projects,” it takes a team. A great chiropractor, a great doula, a great support network of friends, a great OBGYN, a great relationship to something bigger than yourself (Faith).

I am damn near head over heels with this decision I’ve made—OK, I am.

Why did I choose this path?

To be frank, the path chose me (oooooooh, cliché Abbs). But for real.

I’ll take you all the way back to when I was 10 years old.
I stood in the shower of my then childhood home, hot water pouring over my body and head. I was drowning in sorrow and sadness, grief, regret, and Guilt. I was in a battle to overcome the first bout of an eating disorder, what they call Anorexia, and it had been about 10 months or a little longer that I had been cutting way back (to near zero…definitely negative with exercise) calories, and I was seeing a team of people at the time to help “correct” the “problem.” The team consisted of: a psychiatrist, a social worker, and a nutritionist. My parents graciously and concernedly took me to these professionals to undo the damage. Realize that this language is my interpretation of the experience.

Somehow, someway…the team worked, but I felt extremely overlooked, underappreciated, and misunderstood during the entire thing.

Instead of asking me: “why do you think this is right?” giving a voice, a credit, a hug to my beliefs, attitudes, feelings, and visions…everyone dove right into the plan to fix the…again, “problem.”

The psychiatrist—honestly, I don’t even remember, I blocked her out.
The nutritionist wrote down the precise measurements of each food I would eat at each time of day, the most grace and freedom she showed being in allowing me to choose between cantaloupe and honeydew for breakfast.
The social worker—well, I blocked her out, too; but I remember wanting to connect more deeply, emotionally, intimately with her…to let her see me. But I think she and I didn’t have the tools at the time to make that happen.

But again, somehow, someway…the team worked.

I had a moment in the shower that evening where I saw a crossroads I was at and I felt this gap between myself and my Bright Future. The fact that I was connected to a Bright Future was the first best sign. It is true that when you brain and body are malnourished, you are not thinking as clearly and coherently; and once, I had added more calories…enough nutrition, to restore my brain and body’s health, I started seeing that Bright Future. Again, nutritionist—didn’t like her, but love her for being part of the team. Okay, back to that moment.

In this moment, I was racked with guilt.

I was feeling and thinking about all of the time and energy I had stolen from my most loved people: my parents and my siblings. The many appointments my parents drove me to and paid for. The many arguments I had with my parents about eating. And the peripheral stress my brothers’ must have felt—I mean, they are both older but they were young teens at the time, and they knew what was up. I felt I had somehow even stolen time away from them by eating up all of the attention of my parents. They needed love, too, I thought.

So, swimming in Guilt—no, drowning in guilt, I had to find my way out.

I knew this wasn’t the right emotion for me nor my healing.

This was when I saw the crossroads.

It’s almost like the pressure of the situation…the weight of that “wrong” and “heavy” emotion pushed me in a new direction…pressed on my pineal gland hard enough to trigger my mind and hear to coherently wake up to that Bright Future that lay ahead. It was out there for me to join; to express; to receive; to BE.

And then the image came to me, accompanied with a feeling of immense gratitude. I am holding my baby in the sky, looking at her with dazzling wonder, unconditional respect, and pure grace. She is amazing and THIS IS IT. I felt it all at once.

And with this vision came the crossroads.

What will it take to follow that path my 10 year old self thought to herself?

Eating more.

And in the same moment, I recognized that I could do nothing to “undo” the pain I may have caused my parents and siblings. Literally, nothing. I couldn’t go back in time and change my decisions. But—well, I guess later came my capacity to forgive myself though I tried to in that moment, I recognized the opportunity. I could make myself the healthiest version of myself possible and put myself in the position to have my baby/babies. That would be the most appreciated gesture, and make the most sense. Because, seeing me prosper and thrive would be my apology in a weird way and also my thanks for the life I was given.

I can’t quite put it into words, but I don’t want a baby/babies to say sorry to my parents for being anorexic at 10 years old. I want a baby/babies because I feel an innate nurturing, creative, and very soulful desire and purpose to bring children into this world.

So my path was clear and I took it.

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Jump to today, and it’s easy to see how that vision, desire, and purpose of Being A Mother strongly guided my career choices.

I began as a personal trainer. Added in nutrition coach and holistic health coach. Then came yoga teacher. Then came cold exposure and primal movement teacher. Then came journaling teacher. And, altogether, I had formed what was for most of my adult life so far “Abby.”

…

But again, like that shower moment, something Bigger was calling me forward. Out of “Abby.” To recreate and reinvent myself.

This was a cloak…an illusion.

It was Mystery asking me to look even deeper into myself to see what was being revealed to me.

What was being revealed to me?

I had certain gems inside of me that needed to be brought to the surface and shared with the world.
I had certain desires inside of me that needed to be exercised and integrated into my calling (what some might call a “career”).
I had certain beliefs and perspectives that needed to be heard by certain women in this world.

And, an invitation—yet another path forward.
This time, the door (I couldn’t possibly know exactly what would stand behind it, and I am still finding out) read: “Becoming A Mother.”

So you are telling me that it was the same door you saw at 10 years old, aren’t you, Abby?

Nope, and maybe. haha.

credit: Steve Self, Ken Wilber, Don Beck

There is a concept in spiritual psychology/dynamics that is represented by the Spiral above.

As you can see/read, a radical shift happens between the first tier and the second tier where the human loses himself/herself/themself in order to become whole…in order to become nobody.

Becoming nobody and being whole are kind of the same thing.

Like I shared, I had to stop being Abby so I could become nobody. And in that space, I was whole, I am whole, and I can be the fullest expression of myself.

…

So, to be real with you, this Birthfit course had crossed my path maybe six or seven years ago, but I wasn’t ready to say ‘yes’ to it.

But, as the Hero’s Journey by Joseph Campbell goes

credit: creativeeducator.tech4learning.com

I had to go through x amount of loops/take x amount of laps around the cycle before I was ready to say “yes” to the Call To Adventure.

It’s funny because Adventure can be stuck under layers and layers of Fear, Guilt, etc. (all of the emotional programming and mental conditioning you’ve had for your whole life) and appear as this big, hairy, scary, frightening Monster.

Yet, it is the door to your Best Life.

I’m reminded of The Princess and the Pea, which warns readers to not jump to conclusions before having all the facts.

We are all on a journey of peeling back the layers and layers of illusions and unwinding the wiring of conditioning that controls us. When you are ready to say “yes” to your call to Adventure, you will know—because you will see it!

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Okay, now I want to share some of the clear intentions and elevated emotions I am bringing into my service as a Birthfit coach.

INTENTIONS
-Selfishly and transparently, to be the best mother I can ever be.
-To empower other women to know how to mother themselves.
-To empower other women to empower their children, even before they are born.
-To empower other women to bring to this side of the world their happiest creation, a newborn baby. Other women who have a similar vision as I.

EMOTIONS
-Gratitude
-Love
-Hope
-Joy
-Trust
-Ecstasy

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Going back to the loop of the journey I was on at 10 years old, it took a team of people to pull me out of my suffering.

It will take a team of people for every birth in this world—physically and metaphorically.

I want to be a part of that team. I am part of that team.

But I have a different vision, informed by the wisdom of my past, for how that team will support the woman. The woman begging to express…to give birth to, something bigger than her. I am already injecting my passion, wisdom, respect, and talent into this vision.

I want to know “why do you think this is right?” In more words, why is giving birth to a fucking miracle so important to you. And so many more questions that honor your unique journey.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading my Journey and I look forward to coaching you if you are the woman who is beyond that door.

In Creation,

Coach Abby

STOP Suffering During Your Period (A Message To The Women of the World)

Being human beings, we get the great pleasure and opportunity to push ourselves to see what we are capable of. Most of the time, this is through breakdown. Running further and faster. Lifting weights for more reps and lifting them at heavier loads. Creating movies, books, plays, video games — incredible other-worldly worlds that can take a lifetime of hammering away at the grindstone to bring to life.

It is beautiful — testing the yang’s capacity to inflate and broaden the illusory bubble of our limitations.

Being women, specifically, we get the other great pleasure and opportunity to (well, it really does feel like pushing sometimes), PULL ourselves into what we are capable of. Through surrender, tenderness, and relaxation.

It is beautiful — honoring the yin’s capacity and explore the infinite depths of our softness. Softness not translated as weakness; translated as: an innate intelligent savvy to give love where love is needed.

Truly, we all (human beings) get to do this; but as women, we are physiologically stacked to test this skill of Surrender in unique ways.

Enter: Your Flow.

The menstrual cycle, as I noted in this previous article, is a Lifetime experience, not a 3 to 4 to 7 days every month experience. Once we embrace it’s ubiquitous presence in our lives, we can flow with a lot more flow (ease, grace, enjoyment, elevation) during those sometimes cramp-laden, fatigue-ridden, uncomfortable days.

Before I share how to create more ease during your cycle(s), I want to dive into what I declare the problem with periods.

Menstruation is given a bad rap culturally, and as women — if we are not awake to it, we internalize that negativity.

Culturally, we are shamed and judged — intentionally or unintentionally gaslighted, for our experiences as cycle-goers.

As a Varsity basketball player in high school, I remember our assistant coach (a woman herself) yelling at one of my teammates to “get up and run!” when she was sunken against the blue matted wall suffering with stomach-twisting cramps during her period. She added: “having cramps is no excuse not to run!”

What does this teach a young woman about her innate wisdom moving through her?

To suppress it, to fear it, to hide it, to cajole it into a little pocket of her soul where it is safe but won’t interfere with anyone else’s life or expectations of her.

This is the cultural preponderance that gives our flows a bad rap.

We do actually feel undesirable symptoms, but they are inflated and pounded into our psyches in an abusive way. In an UNTRUE way.

From advertisements for symptom-reducing medications like Midol…to folklores of hysterical, manic women doing crazy, irrational things during their periods…to jokes galore about “how to stay away from moody women when they are bleeding.”

What does this teach any woman of any age about her innate wisdom moving through her?

That it is wrong, unacceptable, bizarre, and gross.

Society has conditioned our minds as women to go feel fear and shame about our periods. This itself is the problem; but it will only remain a problem if we do not challenge it and return to the truth: you as a woman, as a cycle-goer, are making magic.

Sure, any feeling is neutral until we associate an emotional tone with it, but we think of everything we experience during our periods as undesirable. So, as bleeding approaches, we begin to brace for the experience. We linger in the lower emotional state of the belief “I will have to suffer for the next 3 to 4 to 7 days.” This is a fear-fueled experience. That’s the problem.

Fear is good and healthy, but not when it is osmotically subsumed into a whole category of people — especially when the people who are feeding the fear are the beneficiaries themselves of the judged natural phenomenon!

But this is not an attack article…it’s an inspire article. So I’ll continue to uplift.

I have two hopes to deliver through this article, beyond educating you with the real, practical actions to have a more enjoyable, restful flow:

1. To ask yourself to exercise the kindness, restfulness, and surrender you have in your heart to take it easy and listen to your body. This is the challenge.

2. To consider the awesomeness and elegance of this Time, this Body. To appreciate the wisdom of womanhood that you GET to represent and to examine what it is holding: an opportunity for more life — physically and metaphorically:

a) As a blossoming of you in your life. Each time you shed you are coming out of a chrysalis, re-entering the world as a new woman. I conceptualize this as an almost sped up Hero’s Journey (a la Joseph Campbell) — a micro-cycle in the macro-cycles of our Hero’s Journeys, that we women are embodiments of and endowed with the privilege of. I visualize this as those cute Matryoshka dolls.

credit: GalinAsia on etsy.com

Each wooden doll is imbued with the symbolism of fertility. The largest doll is considered the matriarch of the family, while the smallest is called the ‘seed’ and represents the soul. They’re seen as a representation of a chain of mothers carrying on the family legacy through the child in their womb (corinthia.com).

Each time you shed your sacred stream, you are uncasing a chapter of your old self and getting closer to the seat of your soul, opening more of your truth up to the world.

b) As an expression of a new physical lifeform. A baby. A miracle. A new life moving through you. WOW!

To me, the opposite of Fear is Love, and it is completely in the realm of your choices to choose to having a love-fueled experience during your period (which, recall, is a Lifetime Experience…not a 3 to 4 to 7 days/month experience).

So…

What is a solution to your flow?

Abby, how can I choose kindness, restfulness, and surrender during my flow?

How can I appreciate the brightness, birth, and life-force in my flow?

It’s less about solving; more about accepting and salving and celebrating, y’all.

Here Are The Five Ways to Flow With More Flow During Your Flow

1. Drink More Water. 💦

Every day, we are recommended to drink half of our body weight in ounces of water. For a 150-pound woman, that is 75 oz. During our periods, our hormonal shifts (lowering of progesterone and estrogen) cause our bodies to retain more water in an attempt to preserve electrolytes and nutrients (glam.com). This leads to feeling bloated and fatigued.

Stay ahead of the game like you would hydrating before a flight, beginning to drink 2–4 extra glasses of water a day the 2–4 days before and during your bleeding period. You’d be surprised what a little extra water can do for your body and soul (on a larger health note, this book is a game-changer to understand the near panacea water is for our states of health).

2. Double Down On Magnesium. 🜘

Magnesium regulates muscle contractions (including the heart), nerve signaling between the brain and body, supports strong and healthy bones, is a building block for ATP (energy), boosts our immune systems, and stabilizes our moods. Remember that bad rap “moodiness” I referred to earlier? Sometimes literally addressing dehydration with the combo of more water and more magnesium can qualm those mood swings.

Add a magnesium supplement to your diet. I recommend Natural Vitality’s “Calm” supplement powder, which has 325 mg/serving (77% of your daily needs). I also like 1–2 packs of LMNT per day. It has a blend of 1,000 mg of sodium, 200 mg of potassium, and 60 mg of magnesium.

3. Move Often — Especially When You “Catch A Mood.”

Alright, whose side am I on? YOURS, girl.

We all catch a mood, and by this I mean two separate things:

• our hormones shift, and we may feel more fatigued, irritable, anxious, depressed, sensitive, sad, sentimental, etc.

• we actually notice the shift in our moods (we catch it as it is happening)…this is called meta-mood, an awareness of your own mood

When you do catch that your mood is dipping, slipping, and making you feel cranky and crumby, move.

Go for a walk, do some cat-cows, dance, lift weights (see my article on how to sync your exercise programming with the phases of your cycle here). When a mood overcomes you — like the moon casting its shadow over the Earth and like an evil spider casting the sticky silk of its spinnerets around you, you can keep the web plastic by moving your body. Remember, it’s not an evil web actually, its an intentional darkness you get to move through to come out a fresher, next-level woman.

4. Sleep When The Urge Overcomes You.

I hear a bunch of Fuck You’s from the crowd.

“I have a job, I can’t just take a nap.”
“I don’t sleep well during the day.”
“I can’t afford to sleep in, I have to make money.”

Yes, cultural constraints and societal pressures present as a problem here. But, I dare you to do it anyways.

Sleep is one of the most vital drugs we have in our medicine cabinet of life. Getting “just” two hours less sleep per night than your body actually needs contributes to the cascade of:

• Reduced alertness

• Shortened attention span

• Slower than normal reaction time

• Poorer judgement

• Reduced awareness of the environment and situation

• Reduced decision-making skills

• Poorer memory

• Reduced concentration

• Increased likelihood of mentally ‘stalling’ or fixating on one thought

• Increased likelihood of moodiness and bad temper

• Reduced work efficiency

• Loss of motivation

• Errors of omission — making a mistake by forgetting to do something

• Errors of commission — making a mistake by doing something, but choosing the wrong option

• Microsleep — brief periods of involuntary sleeping that range from a few seconds to a few minutes in duration.

(betterhealth.vic.gov.au)

I know that I personally get extra sleepy and crave naps like a baby during my bleeding days. I honor this by curling up and cuddling up if I feel the need. Notice if the little mrumurs of a naptime are calling to you, and when they do, say “yes.”

It’s not your problem that the working world culture has not given credence and respect to the real whirlwind that one woman’s cycle can feel like.

If you already have the breaks in your day, take the nap. If you are committed to a ridiculous work schedule, that’s a bigger problem.

5. Create Your Own Crib.

Create the environment that feels safe, wholesome, and comfortable to you. That will allow your nervous system to go “ahhhhh” releasing stress and receiving love.

Grace yourself or swaddle yourself with a blanket (I love weighted blankets). Hold something warm and/or soft against your belly and/or heart. I love these soothing, smile-inducing Warmies stuffed-animals that you can heat up and they release a lavender aroma. Lay down however you need to. Sometimes laying on your belly feels best, giving your gut a gentle massage to keep any stagnation flowing. Generally, create the environment — from floor to walls to roof that allows you to relax.

To me, the opposite of Fear is Love, and it is completely in the realm of your choices to choose to having a love-fueled experience during your period (which, recall, is a Lifetime Experience…not a 3 to 4 to 7 days/month experience).

To stop suffering during your period — your lifetime until you reach menopause, you must choose to intrinsically and actively honor your flow.

The organic orchestration of hormones, body parts, and neurotransmission we call our “period” is a cycle that deserves joy.

May you honor your precious aura of containment and beauty, radiance, your womb of womanhood and creativity, your flow-state capital, and may you treat Her with tender love, compassion, and non-judgmental WHOLENESS.

In Flow,

Coach Abbs

Your Relationship With Food Is A Lifelong Journey: Embrace, Enjoy, Evolve

Growing up, everyone in my family had a unique relationship to carbohydrates. I witnessed my brothers’ journeys, and think they illustrate the way we all navigate our relationship to food. My hope is that through sharing two human’s paradoxical paths through a single macronutrient that met in the middle, you will walk away feeling secure in your food choices and that you are both in charge of and growing into the diet you need, constantly.

Pre-elementary school, I’d say both of my brothers ate healthy portions/proportions of carbohydrates. They were never deprived, always replenished and nourished, and whatever bulk of their plate needed to be carb-filled was. It wasn’t a psychological neurosis of any sort.

…

Jump to the middle and high school years, and the free-to-eat carb habits began to crumble and careen in different directions.

My oldest brother–five years my elder, struggled with his weight during that phase of his life, and found his way out through the Atkins diet, a carb-quitting, protein and fat-fitting diet that essentially shamed carbs.

My middle brother–three years my elder, had the opposite struggle: it was difficult for him to put on weight. And to be a revered opponent on the basketball court, he needed a little more bulk to his frame. 

I watched one brother pick up a $5 Little Caesar’s Pizza after school, rip all of the cheese and sauce off, and pack it into zero-carb tortillas for his post-school snack.

I watched the other brother pick up that same $5 Little Caesar’s Pizza after school, and eat it just as it came, built on bread.

They both reached their goals at that time, which were intimately-tied to *being of a certain weight and/or size*. 

…

Fast forward to their early 30’s, and they basically swapped places in terms of their carbohydrate approach.

My oldest brother became aware of a constant brain fog, slogginess, and general malaise that he had been living in like a frog in boiling water but didn’t know why. He hired an amazing health coach who woke him up to the reality that a lot of trauma and fear related to carbohydrates had been running his nutritional life. He empowered him with education on the necessity of carbs as well as (achem, achem) the BENEFITS of carbs for all of his goals, weight and beyond.

My middle brother wanted to become more shredded and hyper-focused on his work–his business empire–his baby, and found the edge through intermittent fasting and cutting out carbs until dinner. And when the carbs were allowed, they were strict to sweet potatoes. He did experience the much-touted brain clarity intermittent fasting can proffer, going hours busting out his genius on whiteboards and in meetings and in copywriting sessions. 

…

Skip ahead to today, and they are both in a much more balanced, wholesome place in both relation to and their integration of carbohydrates into their daily consumption.

My oldest brother basically went from a carb-fear mongered soul to a carb-loving soul, including fruits and whole grains with every meal. 

My middle brother basically went from a hard core, militant no carbs till the break-fast approach to carbs dripping in throughout the day from all sources–from sourdough breads to pastas to pizzas.

…

I feel their journeys with carbohydrates mirror pretty much all human journeys with nutrition and any other thing that fits into the category “basic human need.” 

As a youngster, you are either informed or not informed–and can be informed scientifically correctly or based on media/marketing messages which are often incongruent with scientific veracity about “the thing.” You mostly operate based on what your parents tell you and feed you.

As a young adult/teen, you begin to shape your decisions based on what is popular and accepted vs. what makes you feel good, oftentimes abandoning the latter for the former. This is when the negative habits develop. 

As an adult, there is a crossroads–you can choose to become the curious student of the truth or stay uninitiated and at the level of understanding from your youth which you accepted without questioning. Those who never revisit and re-examine their dietary choices (especially in alignment with your unique needs) may never know how their food affects how they feel. Those who bravely dive into the world of nutrients and attack the question how do I feed my body the best way I can? join a bigger Journey…one that will have many unfoldings as their consciousness and self-awareness rises.

Usually, the very first (or initiation) for those who decide to play with their dietary choices shows up with a tone of certainty, declaring: “Aha! I found the perfect diet for my life.”

But nobody’s diet stays the same for a lifetime; because, no body stays the same for a lifetime.

So, revision and refining becomes a cyclical process for the adult in relation to their food choices. This is the bigger Food Journey I am referring to.

Today, I chose to talk about carbohydrates, but it can apply to fats, proteins, and all micronutrients. It can apply to where you eat, who you eat with, how you eat, when you eat, how much you eat, and…ooh, here comes the big one: why you eat.

I’ll leave you with that thought to chew on: WHY DO YOU EAT?

Let this question guide your next best choices on your food journey.

In Gratitude,
Coach Abby

How To Find & Free Yourself of The Gilded Carriages In Your Life

Do you ever take the easy way out, say ‘yes’ when your gut says ‘no,’ or give up on your biggest dreams for something more practical, socially acceptable, or “reasonable”?

If you are plagued by any of those conundrums, keep reading. I will show you: a) you are not alone, b) the wild woman in you knows better and can do better, and c) I really hope you take this away, too — you don’t deserve the shiny object, you deserve the actual gold.

Thanks for taking this reading journey with me, sister.

I’ll begin by sharing an excerpt from one of my most cherished books (one that you should buy STAT), Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D. It comes from the chapter entitled “The Traps,” section “Self-Preservation: Identifying Leg Traps”:

credit: wikipedia.com

Trap #1: The Gilded Carriage, The Devalued Life

In archetypal symbolism, the carriages is a literal image, a conveyance that carries something from one place to another. In modern dream material and contemporary folklore it has been mostly supplanted by the automobile, which as the same archetypal “feel” to it. Classically, this sort of “carrying” conveyance is understood as the central mood of the psyche that transports us from one place in the psyche to another, from one idea to another, from one thought to another, and from one endeavor to another.

Climbing into the old woman’s gilded carriage her is very similar to entering the gilded cage; it supposedly offers something more comfortable, less stressful but in effect catpures instead. It entraps in a way that is not immediately perceivable, since gilt tends to be so dazzling at first. So we imagine we are going down the road of our own lives, in our handsome shoes, and a mood comes over us, something like this: “Maybe, something else would be better; something that isn’t so difficult, something that takes less time, energy, or striving.”

It often happens in women’s lives. We are in the midst of an endeavor, and feeling anywhere from good to bad about it. We are just making up our lives as we go along and doing the best we can. But soon something washes over us, something that says, This is pretty hard. But look at that beautiful something-or-other over thre. That gussied-up thing looks easier, finer, more compelling. All of a sudden the gilded carriage rolls up, the door opens, the little stairs drop down, and we step in. We have been seduced. This temptation occurs on a regular and sometimes daily basis. Sometimes it is hard to say no.

So we marry the wrong person because it makes our economic lives easier. We give up on the new piece we’re working on and go back to the easier but old tired-out one we’ve been pushing around on the floor for the last ten years. We don’t take that good poem into the finer-than-fine range but leave it in its third draft instead of raking through it one more time.

The gilded carraige scenario overwhelms the simple joy of red shoes. While we could interpret this as a woman’s quest for material goods and comforts, more often it expresses a simple psychological desire to not have to toil so at the basic matters of a creative life. The desire to have it easier is not the trap; that is something the ego naturally desires. Ah, but the price. The price is the trap. The trap is sprung when the child goes to live with the rich old woman. There she must remain proper and silent…no overt yearning allowed, and more specifically, no fulfillment of that yearning. This is the beginning of soul famine for the creative spirit.

[…]

There are many things that try to force, sweep, seduce away those handmade shoes, seeming simple things like saying: “Later, I’ll do that dance, planting, hugging, finding, planning, learning, peace-making, cleansing…later.” Traps, all.

credit: TODAY.com

There is so much HOWL here! 🐺

What direction to go with this epic, aescerbic yet emblematic allegory? I promise this post is not some gilded carriage for you to slip away into. That’s not my coaching style. Time and place for the golden glory, but I am going to do you the good deed of revealing where you find these modern day gilded carriage-cages in your life. You’ll emerge with much more recognition of when these carriages pull up—and with that awareness, the capacity to to make more the right choices for YOU. Our ethos is to support strong women who tap into their boldness to say ‘no’ to the easy choice that ultimately leads to depletion, and tap into that same boldness to say ‘yes’ to the hard choice that ultimately leads to fulfillment.

You’ll see that monopoly companies like Uber and Amazon offer plenty and plenty of gilded carriages that find in-ways to every area of our lives below. I interpret these as the modern day gilded carriages we are seduced with.

You’ll also recognize how your every decision is in constant communication with your womanhood. You are directly, clearly, energetically conveying your self-concept of self-respect, self-trust, and self-worth to the deep psyche of your womanhood, and that psyche hears you — in whispers and in screams, say “I am worth it!” or “I am not worth it.” It never misses a message.

In each category below, I will point out where you might be missing some sneaky messages feeding — as another allegory goes “the bad wolf.”

In order to succeed in capturing the gilded carriage moments, you must become the hyper-vigilant gatekeeper of your authentic needs, noticing whenever a temptation passes by that might seem “better” but wouldn’t really fill your soul.

Your job, Sister, is to notice when you feel the seductive pull of the shiny object and to examine, somatically, wether it is in line with your soul’s nutritional profile or just junk food.

In each of the following holistic wellness fields, ask yourself:
Is this a cage that captures you or a vehicle that vivifies you?

The capturing carriage has been well-defined by Miss Estes; the vehicle that vivifies is the choice that feeds the good, growing wolf in you.

Like Miss Estes, I am here to awaken the wild and good wolf in you — the one that robustly feeds your soul, not the one who deceives you into a devolved version of yourself.

Pillar One: Gilded Carriages in the Fitness World

credit: lifehacksthatwork.com

There are Ubers. Then there are YouTube videos, an abundance of minimum effective dose (MED) advisories from a span of health organizations, really piss poor fitness trainers and coaches, and people — friends, family, and considered “comrades” who present gilded carriages on your fitness journey.

Wake up to them.

YouTube videos get you moving, they offer the convenience of that weird dopaminergic hit we get by being in control with our fingertips on the remote (much like we are so used to in typing and swiping on our phones), and they give you SO many 8, 12, 20-minute “crank it and bank it” options.

Examine whether these are the cages that captures you or the vehicles that vivifies you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?

If you hear the messages:

• “I am only worth 20 minutes of my time a day.”

• “I need some time in nature, but I’m too lazy to leave the house.”

• “I want to go to the gym, but I won’t make a fool of myself here.”

and know you are escaping your true needs to doing the YT video—even a smidgen of distaste, you might be taking the gilded fitness carriage.

If, alternatively, you hear the messages:

• “I have 20 minutes before my next meeting, and I’m gonna give myeslf a good sweat.”

• “I’ll take this routine outside, give my body some sun, and get my movement in.”

• “I don’t need a gym, I got all I need to maximize my fitness here and now.”

and concurrently feel an assistance into your better self by doing the YT video, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.

You are feeding the good wolf.

Pillar Two: Gilded Carriages in the Mindset World

credit: YouTube.com

There are Audiobooks and Cliffnotes. Then there are pithy motivational quotes, self-proclaimed gurus, and definitive lists of how to think and how not to think.

Wake up to them.

A punch of motivational power from The Rock will get you lacing up your kicks to go for that long-prolonged run in an instant. Believing someone else has the right way of thinking for you to osmotically adopt is comfortable. Buying a book that has 12 rules for you to live by provides guidelines.

Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?

If you hear the messages:

• “That’s all I need everyday — the Rock’s voice!”

• “Ah, finally, someone has summarized life and I don’t have to ask any more questions.”

• “I’m tired, I’ll trade in my brain for these rules today.”

and concurrently feel a repulsion to listen or receive…you might be taking the gilded mindset carriage. Leaning on others, adopting groupthink, rather than cultivating and honoring your own way of thinking.

If, alternatively, you hear the messages:

• “The Rock has a cool perspective, and I’mma try that out.”

• “It’s interesting to hear what ancient philosophy has to say, and I’mma try that out.”

• “Those rules are aligned with my values, and my I could use some boundaries around my habits.”

and concurrently feel an assistance into your expanding self by getting the little bits and budges you thrive on, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.

You are feeding the good wolf.

Pillar Three: Gilded Carriages in the Nutrition World

credit: fuckthatshit.com (jk: credit: eBay.com)

There are shake and soup delivery services, macro’d out meal prep subscriptions, juice cleanses, meal-replacement bars, and labels galore claiming ‘all-natural,’ ‘organic,’ ‘clean,’ and ‘highest quality ingredients.’

Wake up to them.

Having your meals portioned out for you and the macros you need to thrive is awesome. A good juice cleanse will reset your gut. Intentionally-selected ingredients are a better option than getting a pig’s diet of soy and corn. A meal-replacement bar comes in handy when you are famished and on-the-go.

Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?

If you hear the messages:

• “I am only doing this because my girlfriend told me it was a good idea.”

• “I have no idea what food is good for me, so it’ll be easier to have someone else decide for me.”

• “I want to cook myself, but it’s too complicated.”

and concurrently feel like you are copping out of what you authentically want to learn and how you authentically want to prepare your meals…you might be taking the gilded nutrition carriage.

If, alternatively, you hear the messages:

• “I genuinely know that subscribing to a meal prep service will take a burden off of my shoulders.”

• “I feel good having a 3-day juice cleanse, because it feels like a healthy reset button for me.”

• “I know cooking will take more time, but I deserve that time and so do my soul and taste buds.”

and concurrently feel these options are understood investments in the fabric of your life rather than trial and error clickbait material, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.

You are feeding the good wolf.

Pillar Four: Gilded Carriages in the Spirituality World

credit: yogajournal.com

I’ll prelude by saying that, to me, spirituality encompasses your connection to a higher power, having a purpose bigger than you, and your connection to your breath (the triad).

Okay, so I can pretty much summarize the Gilded Carriage of Spirituality — as a giant carriage that could carry the world’s population, as everything ‘spiritual bypassing.’

There are affirmations, prayers, blessings, malas, crystals, singing bowls, and the chosen homeless, nomadic lifestyle.

Wake up to them.

Crystals, malas, and gongs have real, energetic shifting powers. When I play my singing bowls, I feel I’m an artist going into each chakra and cleansing, swirling, and alchemizing. Living minimalist can free the brain’s resources for imagination and the wallet for priority expenses.

Examine whether these are the cages that capture you or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?

If you hear the messages:

• “Every time an anxious thought arises, I go to my crystals.”

• “The singing bowls make a great adornment for my apartment.”

• “I hate making decisions about what to keep and what to give away, so I will just abandon all of my things.”

you might be leaning too heavily on quick saves and playing the damsel in distress, hopping on the gilded spiritual carriage.

Alternatively, if you hear the messages:

• “I feel empowered when I play by singing bowls; they ignite a light in me.”

• “I know that having fewer material things is good for me.”

• “I feel more alive when I am blessing the world and people, as it ignites gratitude in me.”

and feel a forward flow of love for these habits, you are choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.

You are feeding the good wolf.

Pillar Five: Gilded Carriages in the Relationship World

I could go to town on this one. Full disclosure, I am a single woman. There are many shiny objects out there, and I have been an addict of the shiny object syndrome chase…I was for a long time. Still recovering, you could say.

When it comes to meeting a romantic partner: there are dating apps; matchmakers; speed dating events (even online nowadays), and well…vibrators (yeah, I went there). When it comes to sustaining romantic relationships: there is Netflix + UberEats nights; missionary; and taking drugs together/getting drunk together to escape reality. When it comes to families: there are camps, sports, extra-curricular activities galore to put one’s kids in 24/7; movie nights; and frozen, microwaveable dinners.

Examine whether these are the cages that capture or the vehicles that vivify you. What are they really offering you in the long-run?

If you hear:

• “Watching The Last of Us is the best because we never to talk to each other.”

• “I’ll just enroll the kids in camps til they hit college and I’ll have more free time.”

• “Swiping is fun because I can chat behind the screen then ghost ’em and never have to meet face to face.”

you might be — no, you ARE, choosing the gilded relationship carriage.

Alternatively, if you hear:

• “We make time for open-hearted conversations, and watching TV is our way of cuddling and unwinding.”

• “I love giving my kids the opportunities to play with other kids and learn new skills, and I love spending time with them.”

• “I know that dating apps are a resource, and I am also open to meeting people when I’m just out and about.”

and feel an assistance into better connections with other human beings, you are likely choosing the vehicle that vivifies you.

You are feeding the good wolf.

Becoming aware that we live in a world of gilded carriages that Estes so vividly depicts is a major step in taking ownership of your decisions, honoring what truly serves you, and acting your authentic self out loud.

Woman, I am a champion for you on your journey of awakening to the gilded carriage-cages in your life and going the other way you sense ‘trap.’. I am here to empower you to live a more fully enjoyed and fully expressed life, mama!

Much Love,

Abby

Morning Pages: A Key To Your Unconscious & A Hammer To Break Through The Illusory Walls of Your Life

Julia Cameron came up with a genius idea called ‘Morning Pages.’

It’s not reading 10 pages when you wake up every morning.
It’s not ripping 10 pages of your favorite Bible story out of the Bible every morning.
It’s also not ringing up your buddy 10 times to get his attention first thing in the morning.

Okay—this is an article, not a game.

Morning Pages—frankly have and will probably always be, one of my secret sauces to success.

When you wake up, your mind is both a blank canvas and a loaded paintball gun. There is the inner engineering for coming up with some of your most precious, clear, and creative ideas and there is the mess of all the things from yesterday’s playing in your brain (hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but 90% of your thoughts—unless you do things like Morning Pages are a replay of yesterday and will continue to be for your whole life). There is a need, therefore, to shoot all of your special colors at that blank paintball wall and see WTF comes up.

This is Morning Pages.

It, simply put, is an exercise of writing until you’ve filled up 3 pages.

You pick up a pen and just see what comes out.

But there are some very key rules:

• you may not premeditate what you write (Organizer’s challenge)

• you may not analyze what you write (Cerebralist’s and Poet’s challenge)

• you may not edit your words as you go (Perfectionist’s challenge)

• you may not re-read it (Judge’s and Authoritarian’s challenge)

and you must…

• throw “proper” writing rules out the window—grammar, punctuation, spelling, formatting (Teacher’s Pet challenge)

• be authentic—writing from the heart

• commit to it as a daily practice

• do it first thing upon waking (or close to it…capture hour #1)

• do it sans distractions

• write long hand (no chomping away at the keyboard)

Sometimes, you’ll feel supercharged and have an emotion that just needs to be untethered and expressed.
Sometimes, you’ll need to sort out a conversation you need to have with someone else on the page first—at least the blocks that are preventing you from having the conversation.
Sometimes, you will have zero ideas, feel completely empty in the head, and have no motivation to start.

TRUST. THE. PROCESS.

As you go, often times, some of your most vivid childhood memories peek through and you are like “where the eff did that come from…so glad I remembered it!”
As you go, often times, some of your craziest imagination’s productions spool out and you enter a fantasy land where you are kind of reveling in this blissful state.
As you go, often times, you get in touch with a tender and loving feeling for yourself buried beneath the judgmental thoughts.

OK, OK…so I’ve painted a really glorious, Pollyanna expectation for morning pages, have I?

Getting in touch with your real feelings, real beliefs, real moods however…isn’t all fresh squeezed juices and all-you-can-eat pancakes. It requires a lot of digestion power…a lot of grit, a lot of self-vulnerability…that is, your bravery to really see and feel what YOU really see and feel.

Building on this paradox of dark and light that are embedded in the practice, I’d like to do something I rarely do—fore gift you a list of myths and truths about Morning Pages. Usually I am the gal and coach who is like “go right in and experience it for yourself.” I don’t like my biased perspective to color your fresh embarkment on the journey. So, as you read, know that this in what I have discovered in my experience, and it may not be yours.

Morning Pages: Myths and Truths In My Experience

Myth #1: You will want to everyday. Every beginning will be a fun, bushy-tailed, bright-eyed bunny-lovin’ experience of hitting the pages like you’d hit the court for a game of pick-up basketball. You’ll feel the innate drive and physical energy to fill up three pages with your hand.

Truth #1: Everyday will be different. Some days, you will wake up feeling that drive and energy, hand and wrist in peak condition, to fill up three pages with your hand. Some days, you will need to dig deeper to contact the reason why you are doing the thang. Some days, you will be a bunny chasing the carrot of the gems you unlocked last week doing MP’s.

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Myth #2: You will die.

Truth #2: You will not die. I mean, not from this practice lol. Getting in touch with your feelings is hard work and getting to know your shadow sides is uncomfortable at times, but just like Kanye said “that, that that which don’t kill you, can only make you stronger.” The shadow can be recognized when you are triggered by the behavior of someone else…it’s pointing out some aspect of yourself that you have not yet accepted or integrated. When you embrace and sew in and possibly join in dance with your shadow parts, you will be a stronger person, because: a) you will realize those parts are your superpowers masked by traumas that tucked them away and they deserve to shine in the world and b) you will navigate the world with a more wholesome presence.

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Myth #3: You are writing your life’s masterpiece

Truth #3: This is not about putting together a perfectly polished paper. This is about —as a creative (which we all are), putting your creative self in motion. Breaking out of the confines of the role you will go play in the world for the day, and being the messy expression of yourself you truly are.

But, truth be told, this is part of writing your life’s masterpiece.

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Myth #4: You have to have something profound to say.

Truth #4: Firstly, you are already judging your own thoughts. Sometimes, you just start writing “I really don’t want to write, I really don’t want to write…” and then, more and more of your subconscious pours through. You’ll be shown what you really are focusing on and what you really need to clear or alchemize from your mind. It’s a huge gift.

Here is Julia Cameron herself explaining how to do Morning Pages, and a great primer video to kick off your MP Journaling Journey.

Why You Need Check-In Chats With Your Health, Fitness, And/Or Lifestyle Coach

As a kid, I had a diary. There was a lock on it and everything. I hid my innermost feelings on those pages—stories of elementary school crushes mostly probably, how I felt about my family, and how I felt about my friends. As my self-awareness grew, I’d begin to reflect onto the pages how I felt about myself.

All of my intimate thoughts were safe inside here.

It is extremely vital that we have safe spaces to share our innermost thoughts and feelings.

Not doing so is what leads to dis-ease and dis-connection—the two leading causes of disenchantment with life (aka misery, aka an early death).

A diary will do for you some things, but it cannot provide what talking to another trusted human being can for you, your health, and your vitality.

Even if you are the Serena Williams of gratitude journaling, keeping a food diary, and mapping out your workouts, you are not receiving the benefits of the coaching mirror.

YOU NEED CHECK-IN CHATS IF YOU ARE WORKING WITH THE RIGHT COACH.

Credit: istockphoto.com

This is the mirror provides a package of transformational services for you that (as much as I adore and cherish my writing practices) writing in a diary or journal does not.

1. CHECK-IN CHATS GIVE YOU BACK THE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE WORK YOU DID AND DIDN’T DO.
   You write down your sets, reps, and weights planned for a workout or how many miles you will swim (whatever the “workout of the day” is). You are an expert planner.

All too often, though, I’ve given clients workout plans drawn to a T and smash-packed with meticulous cues, and they come back from their vacation and say “oh yeah, I didn’t do it.”

Plans are useless, planning is indispensable.

It’s important that you know what you expect of yourself and a map to carry out that work, but if you don’t do it—what’s the point?

A trusted coach will make sure to point out when you’ve hit your targets and followed through on your agreements and when you’ve missed the mark. It’s not about shaming you. It’s about keeping you on track for your goals—the ones you voiced out loud that you wanted to reach.

It is very possible but harder work to do this alone, because of how emotionally taxing it can be. Who wants to report to a square box next to “Workout A” each night leaving it empty when they were expected to have it checked off?

2. CHECK-IN CHATS REVEAL TO YOU YOUR BLIND SPOTS.

Let’s start with the workout theme.

You can be dutiful and diligent at taking video of yourself deadlifting or running, but if you are the same set of eyes reviewing and analyzing your movements again and again, how much new perspective will you receive?

Beyond accountability, we need (healthfully-delivered) criticism and feedback to show us what—even with the most glamorous camera in the world cannot capture. Granted that your coach is an expert in the field you are taping.

Finding your blind spots goes way beyond fitness.

A great coach is a great listener who will hear you repeating the same limiting belief or black-and-white perspective or obsession with the same emotional state you’ve been in for weeks from that person who said that thing months ago (now it’s become a temperament). She will interrupt you and say: you can think better; you can talk nicer to yourself; you have the power to change here.

3. CHECK-IN CHATS ENSURE YOU ARE PLANTING THE SEEDS FOR YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC GOALS AND DESIRES (“YOUR LIFE GARDEN”).

Our minds change, our goals shift. This is being human.

Wouldn’t it be nice to talk to someone who hears you saying “I’m not too excited about this goal anymore,” or “I have a new idea,” and for them to say “great, let me hear it”?

To receive the unconditional positive regard of a great coach is a great gift that lays the land for you to really speak your soul.

Tell me your new idea of your peak physique. Tell me your new idea of the physical challenge you are most jazzed about at the moment. Tell me what friend or boss who was your BFF is now a Negative Nancy, blood-sucking leech in your life. Tell me how the additional greens I asked you to add to your daily intake aren’t jiving with your gut. Tell me how you are sick and tired of feeling so lonely.

If you were to jot these holy grails and gripes to your journal, it might take months (if ever) for you to make changes. Further, you might rationalize your way out of how you feel rather than accept and embrace it, sweep your new inspirations under the rug, and/or your might just stick to the eating plan simply because it’s the eating plan you began with.

A great coach will hear you and help you stay true to you in discerning what habits and actions are aligned with who you want to become.

It’s an ever-flowing dance, you, your health, your vitality.

Your tastes and nutrition needs may change (literally and figuratively). That is valid.
Like a fantastic dinner host, a great coach will endorse your saying ‘no’ to the spinach (i.e. the additional cardio session) and ‘yes’ to the cauliflower (i.e. the additional weight training session) when its in season for your unique goals.

4. CHECK-IN CHATS GIVE YOU A LITTLE RAIN FOR YOUR GARDEN TO GROW.

If you get off the phone with your coach, and you feel worse in any way than when you embarked on the conversation—fire her immediately and find someone new.

Yes, you want the real, raw critiques.
Yes, you want to see the areas you didn’t even know you could improve in.
Yes, you want to be lovingly accepted for your fluid mind, body, and soul.
Add to that list: yes, you want to feel inspired, empowered, and motivated (I try not to make assumptions, but assuming here that you do).

A great coach will point out where you failed, show you where you can improve, help you fine-tune your goals and concomitant actions, and give you a big fucking, jet pack of rocket fuel that will make you wanna take action right away.

Some might say it’s not the coach’s responsibility to inspire. I see it as a co-creation. If I can shower a little excitement about your progress mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally, I will.

What you gain from this—besides just like loving pat on the back, is becoming comfortable receiving others’ encouragement and belief (which can be hard for some).

5. CHECK-IN CHATS PUT YOUR GROWTH IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

Your incredible efforts and sacrifices can get lost in the sauce and you might not see how far you’ve come.

Hence, the coaching mirror.

When you look at yourself in the mirror every day—similar to reviewing your own videos of your form, you might not see the tiny (or big) changes taking place.

A sparkle in your eyes. More definition in your calves. The oomph of energy and confidence in your voice. Your own excitement for your own strides. The new connections and relationships you are fostering as your energy changes (“your vibe attracts your tribe”).

As James Clear says: "Improving by 1% isn’t particularly notable, sometimes it isn’t even noticeable, but it can be far more meaningful – especially in the long run. If you can get 1% better each day for one year, you’ll end up 37 times better by the time you’re done."

A great coach will point out those 1% gains and the glimmer you feel upon hearing it will be well worth your investment.

Over the long run—over a strand of 100 conversations let’s say (just per these examples), YOU CAN BECOME:

-more consistent in following through on your words with your actions

-a better mover, a kinder and more powerful thinker

-more adaptable with your goals and accepting of yourself

-more inspired to receive encouragement from others

-more aware of the tiny, 1% improvements you are making

I hope by now you can feel just how INSEPARABLE check-in conversations with your health coach are from your progress as a student of health.

As the African proverb goes: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

My coaching is for those who want to go to great depths in getting to know themselves and for those who want to go to great heights in experiencing the boundless beauty of their mind, body, and spirit.

If you are ready for that adventure, consider working with me, and don’t be shy about reaching out.